I'm a 19 year old girl. I've been dating my boyfriend for a little under 3 years, and we are so in love. The problem is, he goes to college two and a half hours away, and we hardly get to spend time together. We try to text, but he's always in class or working. He would always come home during summer break, but this year, he decided to move into an apartment off campus and will be staying there working full time. I'm so excited for him, but it kills me inside to think we won't be able to have our summer together. I have this pit in my stomach that gets so angry, like he's choosing to leave me. He seems so happy about moving, so I want to be happy for him. I just wish I could be there. He keeps asking me to move in with him, which in our situation, I believe would be a good idea. That way, before we get married, I can experience a more normal relationship with him to see if we are truly compatable. However, my mom believes it is a sin to move in together before we get married. She refuses to listen to me if I even mention that I want to move out of town, not even to move in with my boyfriend, but just because I hate the city I live in and want to experience life on my own. She told me she would basically not want to talk to me if I ever move. How am I supposed to look into a serious future with the man I love if I can never be around him? We want to get engaged, but wait til we are in our mid-twenties to get married. We plan on a longer engagement so we do not rush into anything that can lead to a downfall. So basically, I have to chose between strengthening my relationship with my future husband, and risk losing my own mother. Or losing my relationship with my boyfriend, who I truly feel is the one I am supposed to end up with, just so my mother can keep treating me like I'm still a kid, and living the life SHE wants me to have, rather than the one I want to have. I just don't know what to do anymore, and each day, resentment keeps growing inside me. It's simply tearing me apart to know I might lose someone I love just to live my life how I see fit for myself. | |
*Second: being married is different than just living together. I know it sounds weird, but statistically couples who live together before marriage have a much higher divorce rate. In this your mom has a point. Sure it's immoral, but there's a reason for that. If you want to live together, get married. Think about how cool it will be to have a 75th wedding anniversary party!
*Third: your mom. Honestly, I think she's probably bluffing. Certainly, if you marry and have a child, she will want to know her grandchild. If she's not bluffing, you might be better off finding that out now. Either way your husband needs to come before your family of origin. However, try to understand that she's treating you like a kid because the hardest thing for a mother to do is to let her children go when they're no longer children. The most mature thing you can do is make your own decision and not take her reaction personally... even if it is meant to be taken that way.
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