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I'm so lonely I want to die.

Posted by maylee at February 20, 2012
Tags: 2012 February  Loneliness

Hi, I'm maylee. I'm 18 years old, I have no friends, and I want to die. I'm so lonely, I can't stand it. I feel strapped and alone. The worst part is, there's no way I could get drugs, alcohol, or even a fuck to make the pain go away for a while.

My parents hate eachother, they only got married because my mom got pregnant with me. I ruined their lives by being born. And I'm still ruining their lives by being such a problem child. I can't take it anymore, I just want to lie down and die. I hate life so much.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 27,Feb,12 21:05

U are an amazing person...call me if u want to talk..3134653847
By anonymous at 28,Feb,12 19:20

Watch out there are older men on here that are trying to contact the younger girls, be safe.
By anonymous at 03,Feb,13 06:01

How about us older guys who NEVER had a YOUNG woman for a lover?! What the FUCK are we all? DIRTY OLD MEN TO BE FEARED?! FUCK ANYBODY WHO IS SICK ENOUGH TO TREAT ME THAT WAY. I am 41 years of age, told I look HALF THAT AGE and according to some nice women who can stand to pay me a compliment am apparently "beautiful" to look at. I have a wicked sense of humor, full of compassion and empathy, creatively talented in many ways from improvised music to cooking to quantum mechanics and anything in between, a lot of fun when I feel good about myself, patient (I will get to just how much soon...), forgiving, generous to a fault when all my problems fail to render me a total self-absorbed idiot - wherein lies the problem. I AM SO FUCKING LONELY, miserable, consumed with self doubt and grief that I think about ending my life every day. I have had a one night stand at 21 with a woman aged 31. Then six months later was asked by another woman the same age to start a relationship. After a few years I realised I was trapped in a totally toxic and unfulfilling relationship which CHEWED UP HALF OF MY LIFE, THAT'S RIGHT TWENTY GODDAMN YEARS! I overcame my grief to work myself stupid to buy a house, then four years ago it all went cold. Now I am alone, destroyed, penniless and more distressed than ever! I have lost EVERYTHING and I would give anything to have that time again. If I am some kind of a threat to a young woman then TELL ME WHY!! All I want to do is MAKE LOVE. I went through all of this, after NINE YEARS of unbearable frustration and ZERO confidence - having been heartbroken at the age of 13 by a classmate who is still one of the most beautiful girls I ever saw in my life. I was an "ugly duckling" and after spending years reinventing myself I still feel like an utter failure with women. I am NOT INTERESTED in being with an older woman EVER AGAIN. I need hot young OVERSEXED women in my life. I always get lovely smiles from them but ALWAYS there is a glass barrier which may as well be a mile thick!! So does that make ME someone to fear? Perhaps it should if you want to pretend I am unworthy of love from someone who could excite me! I hate that because I am a certain age or "older" (which never stopped cradle-snatchers from chasing ME!) that I would be made to feel so thoughtlessly included in a group that people should be warned about. Not every male out there was a SUCCESSFUL WOMANISER, and I DESERVE BETTER THAN TO FEEL I MISSED MY CHAMCE AT FULFILLMENT. Damn anyone who disagrees, those people make me want to fucking DIE!
By anonymous at 23,May,13 06:32

don't freak, but have you ever thought about an intimate relationship with another man? sure, it's not for most people, but it could give you a whole new outlook on who is interested in you and for what. just a thought.
By anonymous at 20,Feb,16 22:40 Fold Up

You're crazy!
By anonymous at 13,Nov,19 05:34 Fold Up

Whaaah! Sorry you feel you need hot young oversexed women in your life to find fulfillment.


By anonymous at 28,Feb,12 14:03

that's not true & you know it...you can always meet people, get a job...pain goes away through what now? another lie...okay, alright just give up and tell yourself lies and by the way...life sucks because your in the way of it.
By anonymous at 28,May,18 20:34

you are one cruel person


By anonymous at 08,Apr,12 19:58

i want to die to cuz im alone but im 27


By anonymous at 06,May,12 10:27

Maylee I would first of all be Leary about using my real name on internet if you did. Second of all I would be very Leary of anyone that gave you there number to contact them. Be cautious.Very cautious. Third of all, I know exactly how you feel my parents got married because my Mom got pregnant with me. They were both in college. My Dad had just been offered a full ride scholarship (academic) to an engineering school in Boston and my Mom was going into journalism. When my Mom got pregnant with me it turned both of their worlds upside down and inside out. My Mom was kicked out of the house by an aunt who was raising her and my Dad disgusted and angered


By anonymous at 06,May,12 10:39

(Cont) his whole family by not taking that scholarship. Growing up I felt like my Mother hated me. I was miserable. I wished at times that she would have just aborted me. Then I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I repeat, feeling sorry for myself and began doing things to make me feel good about myself. Get a hobby. Do something positive! Drugs aren't the answer. Sex is not the answer. Those are dumb solutions to your problem. Do something positive for someone else but do me and yourself a favor. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Have a good day.
By anonymous at 21,Nov,12 02:17

fuck you ! depression is a serious disease OK!! so fuck you saying that their feeling sorry for themselves..maybe you were but that doesn't mean everyone can just go and fucking play soccer or whatever the fuck your hobby is, and just forget their problems you narrow minded motherfucker!


By anonymous at 11,Jun,12 12:52

I want to die too. Why do people rarely, if ever, see that suicide is a viable option? I don't believe in an eternal hell - that's unjust. A finite amount of wrongs probably isn't punished forever. So I want to die for several reasons:
-I've reached the limit of suffering I'm willing to endure. Dying will cause my suffering to end & to avoid future suffering (in this environment , separated from the source of hope - God)
-to be with my dead loved ones (one of which I can't live without)
-and also to know the truth about God (no more blind faith)

To the poster - I'm sorry you feel the way you do. I can't claim to understand your pain (as you couldn't understand mine as well). Just know there are other people who feel a "similiar" need to end this life. God be with you know matter what happens.


By anonymous at 16,Sep,12 09:42

1m old, 58, my wife ,and daughter, want have anything to do with me, my wife left me nearly a year ago, i have been trying to get her to come back, but all she wants from me is money,, the day aren't to bad, and my adopted family r my world, ,but they cant help when the nights i wake so sad i cry, i cant kill my self, but i do wish i would die, i so lonely and need someone, to hold, my back and other injuries keep me in a lot of pain, and i cant afford a Dr, i wish i would go to sleep and just not wake up..
By anonymous at 06,Mar,16 07:24

I feel for you, and that's why I am 45m and single. no wife no kids it scares me. it scares me to be in your position. thank GOD you have an adopted family that helps, but having no one can be really something not so good. I have my cousins without them I might go insane and who knows what. I pray for GOD to help me and give me direction and peace beyond understanding. I will pray for you.


By anonymous at 11,Nov,12 07:07

we share the same pain, friend. i just couldnt pull the trigger.


By anonymous at 20,Nov,12 16:45

I understand your pain so much ... but drugs and alcohol make the pain worse.Because of the hurt i was feeling i turned to drugs and alcohol and im now addicted to crack ... please no matter how hard it is dont turn to drugs!


By anonymous at 21,Nov,12 02:12

dude im so with you everything is so similar!
im worth shit.


By anonymous at 29,Nov,12 17:43

i am 48 and it get worse


By katlikeme23 at 08,Dec,12 00:56

I inderstand completely. I hope u feel better. Im a 24 y/old mom of two i feel bad for my sons that they cant have a mom who smiles and even with my fiance around me, im sti always so lonely...it hurts so bad


By anonymous at 04,Jan,13 22:53

Well what important is u express ur feelings and whatever nor matter how fucked up they are and reach out to people.And dont let the rejections get u just keep it up its allways light in the end off the tunnel.
If ur afraid off that it get worse and secondly be active physically get an dog ore what ever.
Being active occupy the mind and make u less depressed=)
Nice that u had the courage to express urself peace.
crazyworld7@hotmail.com


By anonymous at 09,Jan,13 18:12

Same situation, katawa shoujo is just my source of friends, replaying over and over to stop my loneliness


By anonymous at 06,Apr,13 19:13

I've never had any friends since the age of 18. After that I have been on my own. I cannot drink or smoke as it upsets me medically. So I've never bothered socialising. I've been overweight since about 10 years old. Not fat, just plump. Never seem to build any muscles even when I exercised a lot. Just stayed the same shape. One girl thought I was nice to be a 'friend' to. But she wasn't romantically attached to me. So that ended pretty quickly. I don't like people that much. Most of them are inferior mentally to me. I like being alone. You can do what you like when you like. In fact being alone is liberating. I say to all of you who think loneliness is a bad thing there's only one thing worse than it: that's having other people growing old with you and eventually you'll end up looking after them (and hating it) or they'll end up looking after you (and you'll all hate it). Being alone means you live alone and you die alone. And we all die alone. Since we're nothing more than highly evolved nanotechnology it doesn't matter in the great scheme of things anyway. So enjoy being lonely. I do.


By epLDXUZWiGAetse at 01,Jan,16 14:02

PPXoWP


By anonymous at 20,Feb,16 22:51

Maylee, I know this is a very old post & you're years wiser, but I really hope you've found to love yourself & have a better life than when you wrote this blog. No one is ever responsible for their own existence, but we are responsible for our journey through life & what we need to do to achieve our destiny. Be gentle w/yourself, you are worth loving & others can see it. Take a risk to show your love & compassion to others & you will be their blessing. I've felt the same as you before & still do at times, but I try to remember someone "out there " needs my smile, my hug, my kind word- those little things may make all the difference in their day or life. These little things may just be the thing that makes them keep faith that someone in this big, often complex world, cares about them. Anyway, I really pray you're living a life now w/more smiles, than tears! Hugs to you & anyone else who may need one!


By anonymous at 13,Sep,16 18:55

I am speechless. I have never thought any one else could feel the way I do. God bless !


By anonymous at 12,May,17 00:17

Im a Vet, took all sorts of claases and groups
IT DOES NOT GET BETTER !!! Any 1 who tells it does is full of bs and never seen the real world !!! I to am ready to die im tired and want peace that only death can offer
Dont talk about God there is no God only the Devil and he is Man and women When u die ur food 4 the worms THATS IT !!! No heaven... hell... pardise ...Ive seen people die lots...never seen ANYTHING 2 prove ur nothing but worm food
Dyeing is easy !!! LIVING now thats the Hard part
MY Kids are all grown up and dont need me me wife hates Death is such a piss poor shot he takes ever 1 i love and keeps missing me..im just achunk of meat


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By anonymous at 19,Jan,21 04:00

Don't give up .There's lots of happiness and love in your life and you haven't found them for 18 years.So,please don't give up !


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