Iam 17 and I feel so alone, all the time, but not like a "no friends no love" type of alone but more so of a mind set loneliness, I sit each and every contemplating suicide, there are scares on my arm that haunt me and reminds me of my sadness, WHY?? they ask, hmm no reason..well no reason you would understand, My mind is so far gone in this reality I cant help but to feel as though life is a dream. Iam not physically alone but mentally, I feel like im on the border line of complete insanity or a genius! Despair, emptiness, solitude, misery, kill my soul, consumes it in a fiery burning sensation which we call pain. I do not believe in happiness! no such thing! but there are "happy moments" which will take me away for a second or 2, but just to make the crash even harder. think of this, you can remember the feeling of sadness faster then u can remember the feeling of happiness. So much more to me that, sadly even If I wrote a book everyone still would fail to understand, so take this piece and try to understand, but don't wind up like me, understand your self before another, unless your to difficult for yourself. but if you don't succeed just accept your depression and let that dark whole of sorrow and pain sallow you whole, and maybe you can we can see eye-to-eye......maybe. (I'm not Emo) ...just a lonely man. | |
You have to learn to live life to nurture your soul. It is really that part that is lonely. Find a good christian church not mormom or catholic. Enjoy it for what it is and don't mind the religious part. It is the relationship with your soul your creator wants to connect to. Religion is rules, they get in the way and cause strife and seperation. Belief is all that is required, the rest will come with time and conscience.
First off, from your post it seems to me that you have a respect for idealogy. In other words, you think a lot. That's cool.
To find a true solution , you must first truly understand the problem. I had a similar mindset as you do when I was 17. Very basically, I went from being raised baptist for 16 years to enlightening myself on hard-core logic and reasoning. That given, I understand and can empathize with how there's a distinct barrier between emotions and logic. That's why people are mentioning the whole "body/soul" concept. It relates. Sometimes there's a trade-off between knowing and feeling, though there doesn't have to be.
So here's the truth. I don't know what your name is, or what you've experienced, or the choices that you have made, or what normally goes through your mind at every point in the day... but when I started reading your post, it seemed that all the feelings you were describing were feelings that I feel right now and have generally felt all my life. And me? Well, you know as little about me as I know about you.
So maybe we're not so different, you and I. Maybe there are a lot of people who are like you. I know for a fact that probability states that there are definitely people out there that have the potential for genius, and congruently are emotionally sensitive and frail, not because they are weak, but because true genius comes in true humility to understand the truth. And maybe that's why you search out to understand other people. I know that's why I do. I feel what you feel, and both of us have the potential for genius all the time.
That should give you hope, just as much as it gave me hope when I read your post.
Oh, and FUCK RELIGION
.. and ASSHOLES
... and RELIGIOUS ASSHOLES.
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