Since the day I turned 17 I have been making all the wrong decisions in my life. I'm 24 right now, being super unhappy with everything I've done in my life. I have basically done everything to please my parents, more than myself, its finally taking its toll, and don't get me wrong, I might have done it to please my parents, but it was my fault, it was my decision. On top of that, I also took a decision to a path of loneliness where I was happy being with myself mostly. At 24 I have not kissed someone, let alone dated someone, and I have issues feeling attracted to guys. I have very few friends, and I'm not sure to what extent are they true friend, I don't really trust them enough to tell them this things and at times I feel like they're incredibly selfish, I'm there for them in no time, they're not for me when I need them.
I have also just recently had an issue of mixing reality with ciber reality badly. I thought, still think I fell in love with a guy I met a few years back on the internet. He's basically the closest I felt to being a soulmate but not in the sense that he completes me, but he gets me in many things, but he's completely different to me in a lot of other things, he's everything I ever wanted in a guy (and I know maybe I'm making it up in my mind, but we have been so intimate that I refuse to believe its just that) and we respect each other despite of that. He kind of felt the same for me for a while...but then he found a girlfriend, and he's gonna marry her. The one thing I looked forward in my life, the one thing that kept me going sane...and I've lost him. And I know it may sound crazy, but I could've met him a few years back, but I took the wrong decision...to do something that isn't satisfying me, nor is it going to give me any tool in the future. And I know if I would've met him something would've happened. I'm always going to live with the "it should've been me" regret.
My life is the same every day, boring, I have no love, I want to have some love not because society tells me but cause I genuely want to...I feel horrible each passing day. I hate everyday. I just feel like a worthless human being and I want to die as soon as possible. I don't want to commit suicide but I just want to die now. I wish I never existed just so there was no record of how stupidly pathetic my life has been. | |
You didn't mention anything like anxiety. You can still find love.
Want a good job/education? Go get it.
Do what you want when you want, dont follow other people's opinions.
Love?
1. be happy
2. be confident
3. find a potenial person
4. be irresitable (looks, personality, smell, favourit foods, the lot) any person can be anything they want to, just got to go get it.
Now I am happy.
So, go do what makes YOU happy.
and no it won't come to you straight away, it takes time.. Why don't you move away from where you are? start fresh! It might sound like a mission, but noone said that life was going to be easy, and it will definitly be worth it!
As for the guy... who cares about him! if he's found someone else then he obviously wasn't right for you anyway! I know a lot of people who end up broken hearted by someone who they thought were "the one" but thats all part of life. We have our ups and downs with relationships and just move on. I promise you that your prince charming is out there, and you will find him... The majority of the people I know in their 30's still haven't found the one, and they are perfectly happy with it? there's no rush! YOU ARE SO YOUNG! just get off your lazy ass and do something about your problems now! before you find out that your 40 and complaining about the same thing!
and seriously, you don't need love to be happy! Establish a happiness from other things - like friends, a job you enjoy.. and then you will find that you are perfectly happy being single! and that is when love will come to you. When you least expect it.
F**k the wrong decisions you've made in your past, the clock doesn't turn back for a reason! just start making the right ones now!
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