Sometimes, I feel so lonely that I actually feel nauseous. It honestly feels like I have been living the same day over and over and nothing in my life will ever feel complete. I keep setting goals for myself that I never reach and I am beginning to think I will be alone for the rest of my life. I have never had a serious relationship because I am too scared of telling my friends and family that I am gay. They just wouldn't understand that it is not a choice and I am positive I would become the family joke if I ever tell anyone, or they just wouldn't accept me. Until recently, I did not think that I would be willing to risk losing my family and friends for my own happiness but these intense feelings of isolation have changed my mind. I am surrounded by happy people with others to love them as much as they love their gf/bf. I think I love someone who could never love me back the same. Honestly, I would never deliberately do anything to harm myself, but I am so lonely, unhappy, and trapped in the body of someone I am not that I am considering dropping out of university, quitting my shitty job, buying a one-way ticket in another country, and pursuing my journey on the trail to happiness and love, but I know I will never have the courage to do such a thing. Cloudy skies ahead.