LIFE SUCKS

Fuck my life.

Fuck my life, fuck unemployment, fuck the law, fuck my fines, fuck God, fuck everything.

I'm so pissed off I don't even know where to start.

Lets go back to high school...

Actually High School wasn't all that bad. Junior year I joined the Army Reserve, used my enlistment bonus to get a nice truck, had a part time job, friends, a little extra cash, actually life was pretty good. Then I graduate, go off to more training (again things were pretty good in training) come back with some extra cash and buy another truck for my mom as a way of saying I'm sorry for totaling her Suburban when I was 16.

So for about a year things went along those lines, bills got payed, jobs were kept, vehicles were in good mechanical condition and every once in a while we even had a little extra cash to buy little treats for each other. Oh yeah sure, I still lived with my mom, Hell, things were going so well my girlfriend moved in. It was cheap and nice and everything kind of flowed together. Then in November of 2010 my grandmother passed away. My mother couldn't take it. She quit her decent paying job and in December of that year I lost my job. But you know, I put on a straight face, said everything will be fine, we have unemployment, the state helps people in our situation we will be ok.

That was last year. In the past year my mother managed to find seasonal work. I have been unable to find anything, not even fast food. My mother has been to surgery to have her gall bladder removed in December of 2011 and wasn't able to work. Since she didn't work for a week (doctors orders even) the state of Illinois didn't send her unemployment check. She called them faxed them the Doctor's orders and the state said oops our bad we will fix it. That again was back in December. It is now fucking the end of January and we still haven't seen any money from the state. I haven't been able to find any kind of work at all. Bills have been unpaid for at least 2 months, rents coming up. My nice truck that I bought, well the transmission blew out on it. I could fix it if I had another transmission but that costs money I don't have. We haven't had a real meal in about a month, there is not food and no money for food. Last week me and my brother decided fuck it and we attempted to steal about 20 steel rims from a junkyard fronting as an auto shop in the next city over. However just as we were about to leave fucking 4 cops held us up at gunpoint and now the owner of the shop is pressing charges saying we took 300 dollars worth of rims! Dude's a fucking dumbass, we only took 80 bucks worth of the fuckers just so we could buy food and we never even attempted to enter his building, we just took from the shit that was on the side of the shed next to the sidewalk. And we didn't even make it off his property so he got all of his shit back and he still wants to press charges. So we are back to square one, no money, no food, about to lose our home, probably going to jail, facing a dishonorable discharge oh and my girlfriend is pregnant.

Honestly I am really tempted to kill myself. I just haven't figured out how to do it in a way that looks like a complete accident. I have a $400,000 life insurance policy but the only way to claim it is through uncontrollable accidental death (car accident in which I was not the cause) or to die in combat.

If someone could please tell me how to get my life on track before I figure out how to kill myself that would be fucking fantastic.