I'm usually a relentless optimist.. But right now I can say life sucks. I've seen my share of hardships and have over come them.. managed to get over it and move on. The last 5 years have felt like I'm falling slowly only catching hitches on the way down.. which only slow the decent. It all started when i lost my first job.. I had to move to a new city and live with my mom. Away from all my friends and familiarities.
Since moving I've had 2 other jobs that have both failed me (and utterly used me). I'm practically unemployed now making only small amounts of income from odd jobs and still living with my mom. I feel so useless and of little worth. I've been trying my way at my dream in graphic design for a long time with much failure and rejection. People have used me a lot to get what they wanted from me without much or any return.
I started working on a project a little over a year ago.. progress is slow but promising. There is just so much uncertainty it's scary I don't want life to always be like this. I'm so unhappy even when I have a "job". Retail is the most miserable way of life I can't handle it. I just want things to change and I'm stuck in perpetuity and it's making me crazy.
I lack freedom. I have a lot of spare time but it can't be appreciated because I'm constantly reminded that I'm a living burden to my mother. She does not harass me but I know how she feels because i feel it too. And that drives me insane. I want independence achieved through the means that make me happy meaning doing what i love.. I hope these things happen for me until then i will remain discontent. I don't know how to feel any other way it's overwhelming. I'm stuck. | |
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