I NEED TO KILL MYSELF but Im to chickenshit to do it. Ive never felt so empty and drained. I can barely get myself up because I lay in bed for hours thinking about the only women Ive ever made love to and how much I miss her. I sleep so much yet Im tired all the time like I barely sleep at all, and I still live with my mom. I have major depression and my confidence/self esteem is shot to shit so I know ill never make love again. My ex was my everything, she was the reason I pushed my self to get my shit together. Now I have no job no car no money no life, the few jobs I had were horrible and knowone will hire me now no matter how much I apply. Before her I was almost as bad as I am now, but I was so much stronger and had alot of friends to make it better. Now I am truley broken and alone... She took the last of my hope, the last of my light, and crushed it into empty bleak despair. I have nothing, I have knowone, Im going to just wither and wast away in this room anyway so I should just man up and jump to my death since I cant afford a gun. What makes it all so much worse is knowing its all my fault, and that Im to weak and pathetic to fight this terrible acheing depression. Fuck ive never felt this hollow and lifeless, so terrified and useless. I hate being around other people, and the idea of getting laid/getting a gf is laughable since im so scared of rejection and not being good enough sexualy or mentaly(one girl I tryed to talk to just laughed at me and another just walked away while I was talking). Im just a pathetic overly sensitive momas boy loser and I need to just die | |
Things did get better. I'm still shy & still awkward at times. I've also been married and have had several girlfriends.
Hang in there. Have you tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? It's hard work but it helps.
Best of luck!
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