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widowed twice

Posted by lonely forever at January 12, 2012
Tags: 2012 January  Loneliness

I'm 45 and have already lost two husbands. My first husband died 6 yrs. ago at the age of 38. He was the LOVE of my life. We were together for over 20 yrs. and have 2 kids. Then I tried love again 3 yrs. ago and he died in June of 2011 at the age of 47. What is wrong with me? I can't keep a husband alive. I outlive all of them. I'm terrified to ever marry again, but I don't like screwing around either. I HATE being alone. All the widows I know can't relate to me because I'm much, much younger than them. I'm truly alone in every sense. Nobody understands.


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Similar Entries:
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Life is cruel April 23, 2012



New Comment

Comments:
By at 03,Feb,12 21:34

I think you need a fortune teller to tell you how to not kill your husband by bringing them into your life. That is the only thing I can think of, no, dont read the bible and pray on that as according to bible study, death is a way to heaven. If you read the bible for that, and you may come to think the all mighty bitch took them from you to expand heaven's population.
By anonymous at 04,Feb,12 08:12

wow, pure idiocy at it's finest......
By anonymous at 04,Feb,12 15:04

lol for real!! Like it's her fault! lmao
Her: I lost two spouses in a row, please tell me how to stop killing my husbands!
"Fortuneteller": You haven't been generous enough with your wealth! You're holding on too tightly to material possessions which is creating an unhealthy aura. That will be 105 bucks.
By at 04,Feb,12 16:33

THanks for the reply, it was just as lighthearted as my comment! There isn't much to blame in her case, so she could try and make it reasonable by blaming her-self. If I wrote that she has the god to blame then I am an enemy to religions, if I wrote that you fucked/loved their brains out too often then I am an utter troll, and if I said that she could stay single until she dies then I am heartless.

Try fortune telling, it may help, one never knows. Is like turning to God only when one is desperate and one never knows. Of course history and science tells us way enough about the existence of our God.
By anonymous at 04,Feb,12 18:24

Its more like the opposite of turning to God, it's turning to men, who will always fall short of perfect knowledge. Even with current science many things still remain unknown, still defy our explanation, and there are ever things we don't know. History was written by men, shaped by the dominating government. If you want ultimate truth, go to the source, don't get swindled by go between. Things that happen are not a matter of blame. You could spend a long time dwelling on whos to blame for every particular misfortune. The obvious is shes not to blame. As God bestows so has he the right to take. All things belong to him. Its not the quantity of years we have, it's the quality in which it is spent. You told another person who cut herself to torture a lobster instead. Do you believe you're in a position to give advice? Do you think torturing creatures weaker than yourself is a cure for self hate? You don't even consider the fact that this hate can be eradicated but it can. Life is beautiful. The most evil thing you could do is cause the torture and suffering of another. Please for your own sake stop giving advice as you will be held accountable for everyone you misguide.
By at 05,Feb,12 10:06

I seriously despite you, simply because with all the intellect you have, you can only tell those you dislike to shutup.

Screw you and you god as he has never talked to you directly before and never will. Regardless of such simple fact, you insist on going so far to tell other that is the source while in the case of the original poster has no way in rationalising all those suffering for watching her husbands dying on her.

Apparently you misunderstood my comment and think that I am blaming her for her husnabd's deaths. Don't try to understand, you don't have the right mentality for it, stay away from my comment, you nameless stupid.

You some kind of vegan who had never cooked a nice meal for your loved one. You deny the simple truth that human kill in order to cook. You lack the intellect to understand that human life is way more valuable than the food one consumes. You understand on human interaction is so tiny that you failed to understand cuting living food is neither motivated by hate nor anger, but hunger and the needs to express one's desperation.

The most evil thing for you to do is to tell others to follow moral teachings that is dedicated to the mass which has no fucking used for those who never had found them useful and are about to kill them-self on lifesuck.

I am in the position to give advice with my intellect and you can shove you common sense and moral-teaching-for-kids up your own ass and heart, so that you can live like a respectable person in your own small life and forget about helping those who are hurt so much that you have no way of comprehenting their suffering and comtemplaing on their possible ways out with your non-existent wisdom.

You are just hiding behind great words and disciplines, do tear them off and none of your goodygoody brainstorm can be deemed valuable by those who are on the brink of collapse either mentally or physically. Don't take it the wrong way, I have just invested my time to try and enlight you, thus have tried to make this site a better place for others to use.


By anonymous at 03,Feb,12 23:04

Did you lose both of your husbands in the same area? I'm just wondering if there isn't something 'environmental' going on. Or really bad medical services! I'm a widow too so I'm not making light of your situation. I was married almost thirty years and totally freaked out when my husband died.

Don't start getting superstitious now, strong as the temptation to do must be for you. You didn't say what both your husbands died of. It could be they had something in common, a health condition or exposure to something that wasn't good for them. If I were you, and if you haven't done it already, I'd move away to a new place.

Find a good online forum, an unconventional one, and meet some people where you can talk openly. I don't believe in 'screwing around' either and if you're not that kind, there's no good sense in trying it at this stage in life. You don't seem so unapproachable that people of any age couldn't relate to you. I'd talk to you and I am nearly ten years older; big deal. You just need more interesting friends.


By anonymous at 04,Feb,12 01:18

You are thinking too much. Its a coincidence that both your husbands died young. Please move on with your life, be happy


By anonymous at 04,Feb,12 02:49

some times life sucks and you think the world has it in for you or maybe even god. life is hard and even harder for those of us left behind when a partner dies. hang in there life give you little gems when you least expect it !!!


By anonymous at 04,Feb,12 04:05

I know a young woman, younger than you even that had a similar situation, about 20 years old is all. She was my roommate in the dorm last year. She was dating an American soldier. He sadly died over seas a little less than a year ago. To this day, she still considers herself in a relationship with him. She talks to him on his facebook wall and says what she plans on doing or what she's been up to, how much she misses him. She says that in the summer she plans on camping out with him and if it turns out well, to make this a tradition. It's not that she wants to be alone, I'm sure; she is only 20, very pretty, very nice and sweet, could easily get a guy; it's that she feels that love for him still and feels she can't love another, it wouldn't even be fair for her to try to. After he died, it's almost like they were married, she calls his family hers, including his extended family (cousins, aunts, etc.). She will probably always be a "widow," if you will, since they were not ever married, and actually now that I recall, hadn't even been dating for very long, only a few months. You had nothing to do with your husband's death, neither of them. And don't be afraid of love for the reason you said, it's not that you couldn't keep them alive, it just happened, a coincidence. Sad, yes, but you are not at fault. Maybe what you feel is that you are just not ready to be married again because you still love your husband(s) very much. And yes, it's hard to be alone, especially going through things such as these. However, if you still feel that love for either (or both) of your husbands, it is unfair for you to be with another. And you need to decide if you are going to let the physical need for love from them go and keep memories and move on and love again. If not, you must learn to keep that love mentally and you will adjust, slowly, but you would adjust to being alone if that's how you feel about being with another man. But as my story of the young woman I told shows, it is possible to be alone and be happy, and yes it may be the more difficult route, but it has to be what you want. So if you truly do not want to be alone, you will move on, it just takes time my dear. And I know you know this, as you have been through it once before with the death of your first husband, but you just need to decide how you really feel about moving on or not.
By anonymous at 04,Feb,12 07:12

Well that example you gave is shitty and not healthy. I wonder if they actually had gotten married how long it would have lasted or would it end bitterly?
To the OP: you spent 20 years with your soul mate, thats more than alot of us get. Be glad you had the time you did. i would rather be you than me. 32 years old and never found him.
By anonymous at 04,Feb,12 07:12

...and never will either. And I also do incidentally love a dead guy.


By anonymous at 06,Feb,12 19:34

i can understand how u feel its no easy task ive hade 5 gfs die and im only 19 n i feel like im cursed but its important to try and think possitive cant always think about the past...


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