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God hates me

Posted by K at January 11, 2012
Tags: Family  Health  2012 January

God hates me. The past four years in a nutshell: My brother gets testicular cancer. My Aunt gets ovarian cancer. My friends refuse to listen and help me through this time. My uncle dies. My grandmother gets ovarian cancer, my father doesn't tell us, I have to find out when they are praying about it in church. She dies a week later. My father is an asshole, I want my mom to divorce him, convincing her takes years and when she finally does serve him the divorce papers she finds out she has uterine cancer and can't divorce him or she will die because she relies on his insurance. I prayed for YEARS for my situation to get better, but mostly for my moms back to be healed from pain because it is so intense that she only can sleep four hours a night, but it only gets worse, her back and my situation. My grandfather dies, my mother's lung collapses, I start dating a guy who is emotionally abusive. I start cutting. I think about dying ALL the time and have planned my suicide out countless times, but I could never leave my siblings like that...
There is probably more but I can't think. I'm in college now and I just started drinking, I do it around twice a week. I'm not sorry either, even though it would break my mom's heart, because getting drunk is the only way I can make sure I don't cut anymore.
I don't believe in a 'god' anymore. And if there is a god, then he is cruel and delights in the misery of people, especially good people.
Thanks for listening.


Votes:


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New Comment

Comments:
By at 03,Feb,12 21:50

You haven't mentioned your fear of cancer, but I talk about it anyway. I heard they have surgical operation to remove that certain part which will eventually get cancer later in life. Talk about it with your doctor, see if you can have your ovarian removed.

Cut your-self? Why don't you cut octopus and lobbster b4 cooking them. Like cut its tenticle or leg one by one, and watch them twitch like fish. They may release your depression. I know that you don't have anger behind your self-harmed habit, but I am just saying is better that you cut those than your-self.

You know when you go out to drink, you always have the option to find better men. Who knows, you may find one that is not abusive, but alcoholic, or sex crazed, or rich to buy your drinks, or an ideal match.
By anonymous at 04,Feb,12 15:26

um delighting in the senseless torture of other living creatures will not make you in any way shape or form better and you certainly wont feel too rosy about yourself either especially not in the long run. So please don't listen to Jeffrey Dalmer here. Hurting something else is NOt the answer. Your karma will fk you up bigtime and you will be even MORe miserable.

I say have a cup of coffee or tea and wait wait it out wait for better times. be strong my friend. Say a prayer in the morning and before bed, even when you feel spiritually dead, even if you don't even know who God is. None of us entirely do! Worse some of us say we do when we don't. But for the most part find some thing beautiful to focus on.
By anonymous at 04,Feb,12 15:39

OH! And do lay next to your mother and hold her hand whenever you can. You'd be amazed at the healing power of love and the human touch. Don't feel awkward about it. Stay by your mothers side. Ignore your father. You will feel much better knowing you've done all that you could and will not carry a burden of guilt that you may if you only drink yourself to oblivion during this hard time.
By at 05,Feb,12 10:21 Fold Up

So you are the poster who mentioned my comment on this post on another post. That is not very constructive of you.

Karma Screw up huh? The entire human race has screwed up karma anyway, and a few more octopus and lobsters' miserable deaths are not worth noticing. The simple fact that we breed animal just to slay for meat is heating up the planet and such karma is not going to stop in the next 100 years. What are you going to do about it? Type more on lifesucks? You fucking suck.

Say a prayer? Muhahahahaha, wat if she has lost faith in your bloody god? Wouldn't you had wasted your chance in making her life better? Have a tea or coffee? The poster can't ease her pain with alcohol toxin, and you tell her to have caffine drinks? What a BULLSHITTER you are?!

You don't have what it truly takes to comment here, trust me.


By anonymous at 03,Feb,12 23:19

If everybody in your family is dying off before their time, there is something really wrong with where you all live! Get the hell out of there! Spend some time on research about environmental causes of cancer and dietary ones as well. Families often share the same eating habits and lifestyles so learn about natural health and how to keep it. The Internet is a treasure house of information. Use it. Educating yourself will keep you too busy to be depressed.

P.S.: meowmeow, you need to be under court-ordered therapy right now!
By anonymous at 04,Feb,12 15:34

I second that! Its not even funny. Your sickness is way too apparent in all that you type, you need to get off the computer and seek help for yourself, not misguide others or torture things weaker than you!
I also agree that the cancer is most likely environmental, whether food, water or in the land or air. Bitter almonds they say help. Search on youtube "The Science And Politics Of Cancer". Vitamin D also helps and they say a round of ayahuasca may also be helpful (but alot of those south american retreats are big shams). There are alot of effective ways to beat cancer and all of it goes back to health. Balancing your bodies acidity too. They say if you have too much sugar or you body is acidic instead of alkaline then it increases cancer cells. Soybeans also increase the growth of cancer. Tibetan medicine is good.
By at 29,Feb,12 12:11 Fold Up

Dear 2319. Imagine me meowing in any kind of recovering facility, wasting tax payer funding and taking up room that should be reserve for those who really need that spot. Would you want that? What kind of therapy is that again? Veterinary? meowmeow for now :D


By anonymous at 03,Feb,12 23:20

Forgive and forget god will come around. I was an atheist im a christian again but i don't believe in the bible.Smoke weed alcohol kills your brain cells weed doesnt. It helps alot trust me


By anonymous at 04,Feb,12 04:07

sometimes life is hard soemtimes harder then you can even seam to be now but we all pull through , look for the simple pleasures in life like your alive and the sunrise and set is bueatiful the feel of rain on your face is something that you probably havent even thought of in along time, we are all born to die,,


By anonymous at 04,Feb,12 12:45

With genes like that in your family, you might get cancer soon too. Drinking can excalibrate it.


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By suba suba at 09,Jun,20 09:22

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