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I'm so tired.

Posted by Stephanie at January 11, 2012
Tags: 2012 January  Loneliness

You know what hurts?
When everyone you care about leaves you. I am constantly fighting to have my friends stick around because it kills me to know that without them i have nothing while if they lose me it's like losing a leaf from a fully healthy tree. So unneccesary. I find myself crying because i wish i had the social skills of other people. I wish i was more outgoing. I wish i could make others laugh. I wish i was atleast decently good looking so people can atleast want me around for that.

Sadly i'm none of the above. I don't drink, i don't smoke, i don't do drugs, and i don't party. I spend the most time in my bedroom writing poetry and stories to lament for my lack of friends. And family? Even worse. They never come looking for me when i constantly call them trying to achieve some kinda bond. But it never happens. They never care. If i had just one person i know i could turn to when i feel like this would i be here now? Absolutely not.
My life sucks because i have nobody and i have to fight to make bonds with people. I'm awkward, i'm shy, and i don't have a backbone.
I'm lonely, i'm tired, and i only have the company of myself.


New Comment

By Michael at 03,Feb,12 21:25

hi. im exactly like you except that i post my stories about how i hate my life in code so nobody can read them. I didnt think it was possible. Well you're probably never going to read this but ill be your friend if you want to. ive lost all of mine.

By anonymous at 04,Feb,12 14:23

Turn to god, he will always be there for u, spiritiually healing. Our flesh crave for attention but if u satisfy spiritually , youll be content

By anonymous at 04,Feb,12 19:12

fuck god and all the religious shit dont listen to these bible thumping idiots
By anonymous at 04,Feb,12 20:30

Too bad you had no advice other than to try to spread your negative attitude. Op I don't have friends or a lover either. I naver really have. A security question I have for one of my emails is: "What's the name of your childhood best friend?" I was trying access my account and I couldn't for the life of me think of who I could of possibly put and then it downed on me that the answer to the question of course is "nobody". Life is a personal battle, for everyone. Some people are strong and mature enough to face it. Others are too weak and aren't bothered by the fact they are surrounded by distractions. There are times when the solitude can be maddening and it is a struggle for people like us to keep contact with the world enough not to go crazy. But keep dipping into the societal pool in little ways, like church or meditation once a week if you can push yourself to do it. Also meditation and breathing exercises, while it takes alot of concentration, is worth it. Just keep yourself focused and organized. Little rituals where you take time out for tea or something can help realign you.

By at 04,Feb,12 21:00

Finding friends with similar interests seems to be the key. People you knew when you were young or lived in one place are often hard to keep as you move through life. Sure you may meet online from time to time, but even if you don't move around or change, they might. It stretches people and strains friendships. This isn't always a bad thing.

Do you have a hobby? You mentioned poetry. Have you ever considered attending a poetry reading? Even if you don't want to read your own (though you should! It's fun!), you may really connect with the other people there. If not that, try attending book readings, or local plays, or local bands. Somewhere where it is normal to talk with strangers. Art galleries, bowling allies, book stores, car shows, any of these places encourage strangers with common interests to politely comment and ask questions of others. This creates friendships and shared interests.

Even if you don't have a current hobby, is there one that calls to you? Would you like to paint, or metal work, or fix cars, or hike, or take care of pets? There is bound to be a local group that does these things in every US community.

Sometimes volunteering is helpful too. If you have the time you can work on some community improvement with other concerned citizens. You can clean a highway, visit retirement homes, help kids struggling with reading, help animals, join a run-for-the-cure group if you're the sporting type.

There are lots of social venues that will get you near the sot of people you are interested in being with. You may find yourself growing into a new person! Just think about how you want to spend your time and try to find people who are like minded. It'll work :)

By anonymous at 05,Feb,12 09:35

You need to have some sex a d excitement. I live in Budapest, Hungary, a really fun town, and I would be happy to fly you here and screw the he'll out of you for a week. If nothing else, you'll have had an entirely new experience.

By anonymous at 05,Feb,12 18:04

Give a email at or add me at km17_17 at yahoo messenger,we can talk i am in the same situation here,0 friend's .

By peacejamorgrtion at 08,Dec,12 13:11

I now know quitting smoking is actually literally impossible. I started smoking when I was a kid. It had been the biggest wrong move Ive made. Now I am 45 years old and I have emphysema. I tried each one of the quit smoking tips but none of them did any good. My final try will be the smokeless cigarette in the end.

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