LIFE SUCKS

tried to live but cant... tried to die but dnt have courage to commit suicide

i live in a joint family and i hate to be in it.. so many family problems.Every1 uses foul language,no respect for kids or women.
my childhood was miserable.
as i grew up,i tried to commit suicide many times.
but evently as i got 18,i started enjoying my life away from home in my college.
many boys tried to hit on me,of which i chose my boyfriend who was first love of my life. he was my senior.as years passed by i fell more in love wid him.more deeply. and he left me aftr 4 years of reltionship cz of long distance as he went to germany and i had plans to go to usa.but it wasnt confirmed yet..so when he was to come back 2 our homeland..a week before he dumped me by cheating on me. .. and he wrote on his facebook status.. leaving somethings behind hope for something better in future.. i was shattered.. heart broken.. first u leave some1 u luv nd den say u will get a better future. i never did wrong to anyone.. den y was i goin through such atrocities??..i used to have sleepless nights..my mother used to give me sleeping pills coz i used 2 get up in d middle of d night nd start crying. i have become stone hearted.cant enjoy my life.i have tried commiting suicide many times since.i hate him hate him..but cant stop thinking of him dat watz goin on in his life. karma is a bitch nd it will slap him hard in d face. he will want me because he will never get the love and care. he will be devoid of luv and happiness. he will one day come back to me and say sorry for all he did.. and dat will be the day i will treat him like a stray dog. he will suffer.. he has made my life miserable.. its been 4 months now..and i still cry..my emotions have been bled to death.. he will suffer .. he wont get love and he will want me his whole life