I have never had ANY support system. A counselor said that is what has screwed my life up so bad. My "Mother" didn't want me and abandoned me emotionally at birth. She let the neighbors take care of me for weeks while she sat and cried, not from Baby Blues, but because she had me not by the man she was married to. She hated me from birth but didn't do me the favor of giving me up for adoption. She kept me around so she could abuse me, because she blamed me and had to punish me by destroying my confidence and constantly telling me I would be a failure. She has said to me many times over the years that she wishes she "had smothered me with a pillow as a baby" and sometimes I wish she had too. It would have been easier for me. I actually was a beautiful girl, talented and smart, but didn't figure this out until it was too late and I was left with children.
She signed me away to be married at 15 and I was ready to go, but this started me on a different dysfunctional path with abusive relationships, some where I was beaten and abandoned. I was smart enough to get my GED and get some college that I managed to get by myself,but by the time I actually finished a course, I had a young child and was abandoned with her to raise. I received no child support and NO help from anyone else, so I constantly struggled with money and a place to live. This resulted in my having to keep a guy around for the help regardless of how he treated me so my child could have a home. I then had a second child ten years after the first and was abandoned with her as well. For the next 18 years I struggled to keep a home and have moved over 130 times from the age of 18 until now. HONESTLY! The area I was raised in was a very poor place even in the economic boom.
Meanwhile my "Mother" was running me down to my two older brothers, who my parents had put through college to make them turn against me and keep them from helping me by convincing them that I was just a sorry person. When my children became of age they were so fed up with living in poverty and my dysfunctional, selfish family that they left me too to try and help themselves and because my "Mother" had used her time with them to turn them against me too. I now have health problems because of all the mental and physical strain being a loyal and loving parent to my children. I live in a horrible low income community in the very town I was born in and left at 15 that I hated so much. I have no friends as most of the people in this town are old or druggies and alcoholics. There are no jobs here and to top it off, my "Mother"now expects me to wait on her when she has two sons not far away who live in beautiful homes, drive new cars and get hefty retirement checks. Where is the reward for a good person who is intelligent, caring and who has always been a responsible, caring person??? The only time I hear from anyone is when they need something, that has been the story of my life. I have helped and elevated many people with advice, etc. thinking we were working together, only to be abandoned by them when they got the help from me they needed to move on.
I think some of us on here who are alone with no support system and still want to try and have a decent life somewhere should combine resources and help one another. There is power in numbers and I know a fabulous place to live where there is still actually jobs, but it would take two or more to go there and pull together to make it work. I will be reading the comments to my story to see if any one has any suggestions. | |
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