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LIFE SUCKS

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Loser

Posted by cloud strife at March 17, 2010
Tags: Loneliness  2010 March

I am the steriotypical nerd. I live in the dark depths of my room. On my spare time I solve equations with my left hand and write in the death note in my right. I take patato chips...AND EAT IT. I don't have many friends. The friends I enjoyed hanging out with have girlfriends and most of the people im stuck with suck. College is the worst part. The funny thing is. The roomate i got is almost as anti social as I am. But this kid bitches about it every day. As for academics. I am considered to be an intelligent individual, without any common sense. E.i. I'm "book smart" or "analytical thinking smart" but I am not "socially smart" or "street smart." Is that it? No. To capitalize on my anti social life it goes without saying that I never had a relationship, ever. I have very little constact with women. I've tried to analyze the issue. The more I analyze the more i get confused. Until recently I drew one conclusion. I have at least two personalities. One is the smart, depressed, lazy, selfless person who believes that being sad is how I am, and that I am not worthy of happiness or love, and at the same time I want to believe that I am, so I try to make myself seem worthy by helping others. The other one is the smart, arrogant, selfish, and apathetic one. Still not too happy with life, but has little value over the lives of others. Has the belief that love is a weakness and that hatred will drive anyone to the limits. Also this personality has the belief that he is the only being that is real, and that everyone is created through his vision. In other words, he is a god. The one speaking now is probably the depressed person. It's pretty obvious because the other one would spend time listening to sephiroths theme and invisioning a world where he ruled, killing those who do not deserve life.
But since this is the depressed one speaking. It suits me to discuss this personalities issues. The other one is not present to get the true feelings.
I am messed up. I just recently started watching anime and I am already hooked. I am starting to believe that the person I will truely love will have the same feelings for me. In a lot of animes love at first sight happens. In the real world it doesn't, but I have to find someone that has those feelings for me. But... they dont exist. No one feels that way about anyone. The word "love" itself has been tarnished by the word "sex." I do not wish for that. I wish for true companionship. I find that to be stronger. The world is a depressing place, peoples emotions are not in check. I am capable of keeping my immotions to myself and being objective, but at the same time i am capable of having strong feelings. I dont see that in any woman. I think that if the meaning of life was to find true love then my life would be meaningless. My life would be like searching for something that isn't real. If that is the meaning of life, then the only moment that will be important in my life... is my death...


Votes:


Similar Entries:
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Lessons of a perpetual loser. February 25, 2012



New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 17,Mar,10 17:48

Human psychology is kinda science too. If you can be "book smart" then go read it. Start talking to people around you. Act kind.
Try not to act as a nerd. And respect others. If someone says earth is flat, you don't interfere. Just leave it, or smile. :) Don't make a fool of yourself.
If you're a real nerd, then get some new clothes at least from this century. :D Even if a girl likes you as a person, she also cares what others think about you. Everybody does. If her best friends says "oh look at him, hes like blah blah blah..." It wouldn't add any bonus to you relationship/friendship.
After some practice you'll start meeting new people, making new friends. And maybe one day you fill find her.
Try to apply your best skills and build another personality. Just kidding.
Don't be sad. Think positive. And good luck to you.


By anonymous at 17,Mar,10 20:14

The person above me suggests that you try to be something that you are not. That's wrong. True love will find you and accept you as you are. Make sure that you are not overlooking the obvious. She might be the quiet girl with no friends. She spends her time alone like you and she wishes she had a boyfriend. She is sincere, real and not afraid to be herself. if you spend your life trying to be like everyone else, you lose who you really are. You are definitely NOT the only guy in this situation. Sometimes guys only look at the hot popular girls. When they show no interest, they feel hopeless. Keep your options open and watch for the girl that's llike you. She's waiting for you to come and talk to her. She will be shy and seem uninterested because she has low self esteem like you do. Don't give up, ask her about her. Get to know her as a friend, then ask her out if you think it will work. Good luck!


By anonymous at 18,Mar,10 08:00

I say that if u r solving equations with your left hand, u should be jerking off with your right hand and if u can't find any girls, try a guy at least u will get a blow job and cum in his mouth instead of wiping the cum off your hand and belly. try it u might like it, it's fun.
By anonymous at 18,Mar,10 19:13

That's disgusting...
By anonymous at 19,Mar,10 06:34

hmmmm another virgin^^^^


By anonymous at 21,Mar,10 22:41

I....love... Death Note! :D


By suba suba at 07,Nov,19 15:05

ImyL2n Spot on with this write-up, I absolutely feel this amazing site needs far more attention. I all probably be returning to read through more, thanks for the information!


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