LIFE SUCKS

untitled story

First of all, I want you to know that I've read some of the stories here and they're quite depressing,but most of the people who post here are looking forward to something (a girlfriend, a job or even death), but I'm not looking forward to anything, in fact, some people consider me lucky and unique(and must of you will hate me for complaining in my position) I have money, a girlfriend, family, friends; some people say I have talent, that I'm good looking, young, smart bla bla bla; In a nutshell: I don't have any excuses to be sad, nevertheless, I am, I'm deeply sad. I consider humanity awful, and life itself awful, and death doesn´t look any better, what I'm saying is that I feel like I'm always looking life from the outside, I don't find pleasure in anything, everything to me is a lie, and things that other people put as purpose of living are meaningless to me (relationships, happy moments, sex) but I always end up in the same thought: existance is meaningless, even death is meaningless and there's no escape. Because of that, I'm always faking (being happy, comfortable), I take advantage of people around me all the time, I don't look them like persons, but as tools, and have violent thoughts and bizarre behaviour or attitude towards certain things. I don't know what to do, I think I'm just wasting my time in things that people say matter, when nothing really does.

PS.I don't know if it is important, but I've always been like this, even in my childhood, to the point of commitings certain things that lead me to been constantly around doctors, (neurologists and psychiatrists mostly), tired of this I've just decided to pretend I'm "cured" happy and normal.