LIFE SUCKS

My own bad luck

I am only 23 years old, I had a shitty childhood with an abusive father and both parents were addicted to cocaine. I got my ass kicked by my dad, for no reason except his own self-hate, from 1 until I was 10. My mother cleaned up her life and we moved on, i graduated high school, neither of parents did, and i had a great girlfriend. My girlfriend's brother got me a great job at a bank right out of high school making more money then my mom was making. I was there about 2 years and those 2 years were not easy but not terrible, my best friend shot himself. Couple nights later I got a dui and then violated my probabtion by driving with suspended license. Now i am living on my own at this point and after court fees and lawyer fees and all that, i was past due on everything and for God knows what reason i decided to take money from my job at the bank, i did it twice to the total amount of 7500 dollars. I was arrested, and sentenced to 2 years probation and had to pay it off. Needless to say my girlfriend's family hated me but she stuck by my side and supported me though the whole thing. But 1 year in I got arrested for marijuana and that is a violation of probation, so I had a warrant out for my arrest and the only reason i didnt turn myself is was because my girlfriend ended up getting pregnant. I end up turning myself in and she still stuck by my side, and even helped me pay some money back with her student loans for my original charge. Now i am free man and have the most beautiful daughter anyone could ask for, we moved for a fresh start and i got a good job, we had a nice apartment, and everything was perfect. Then money started to get tight and what did my dumb ass do, i took money from my job, thinking there was no way I could get caught, but of course I would and I did. Now that day the cop came in and didnt arrest me on the spot, i admitted to what i did, and he was to call me in 2 months and tell me to turn myself in, and if i pay back the money i took that i would do no more then 6 months probabtion, problem is that again i took about 7000 dollars. I told me lady right away which was the hardest thing i ever had to do, b/c i did everything i did without even thinking about my lady or my daughter. i let them down and i vow to never ever let it happen again b/c honestly it changed my way of thinking was i had to tell my lady and look at my daughter who had no idea what was going on just saw that daddy was crying. I have been looking for 2 jobs but I havent had any luck, no place will hire me b/c everywhere does background checks and who wants to hire someone that has stolen before. so i cant find work, bills our past due and next week is will be 2 months and i will be getting a call from the officer to turn myself in. I have no friends and when i turn myself in i dont plan on my lady sticking around, so for whatever reason that i did the things i did i brought this all upon myself. i cant ask for help b/c i dont want it or deserve it, i cant ask for a time machine b/c it doesnt exist, but i love my lady and my daughter more then anyone will ever know and letting them down is the worst feeling a human can possibly feel. I HATE MYSELF and i did this to me.