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Downhill Since My diagnosis

Posted by Paco at October 14, 2011
Tags: Health  Loneliness  2011 October

I was diagnose with HIV in 2008. Dealing with loneliness and depression already, this was something that I thought I could not handle. Since then, there have been many ups and downs. I thought dealing with this disease would get easier, which in one hand it doeas, but in another, there are moments that it gets tiring and very exhausting. It's like a 24 hour job. After doing pretty good for 2 years, I am in a deep depression right now. My issue of feeling lonely is still there and I cant seem to shake it off. My family is all divided. My father died when I was 4 and my mother was never there for me and we have never been close. My brothers are all doing their thing and we have kept distanced. At 38, I have no close friends, family, I havent had a relationship for more than 10 years and who in the hell wants to be in a relationship with an HIV person. Honestly, NO ONE!
I do get tired of feeling lonely. I need a human touch. Someone to share my life with. It's just no in my cards. I just recently lost my job, I drink everyday and have no money. I sometimes think if I stop taking my medication then eventually I will get really sick and everything will end....I have nothing to lose. I have no kids and not a family of my own.
I'm very sensitive and I think there is alot of evil in this world for me to deal with....Let's see what happens. I just pray I will find the answer before it's too late....


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untitled story April 8, 2012
Recovering from an extended adolescence April 8, 2012
going downhill May 21, 2011
some hope October 9, 2010



New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 30,Nov,11 23:32

Hi there ..
You are loved and do you know who loves you ?
God loves you and Jesus died on the cross so that you can have eternal life !

We are not here on this earth very long compare to eternally .

If you feel like you have no one in your life then please call out to God and ask him to be your lord and savior and put God first in your life and you will see a change in your soul .

To know God loves you and to know Jesus died for your sins wouldn't you want to love God back enough to repent from sin and ask Jesus into your life ?

Check out a book called " Battlefield Of The Mind " by Joyce Meyer

She will help you understand how negative thinking really is toxic to your soul.
Be grateful your alive
Be great full you can read , see , talk .. you get my point people forget the most simplest things they do have but forget to be thankful for .

A thankful heart is a joyful heart .

Here is her website check her out ..
What is the worse thing that could happen you change your way of thinking ?

Life is about 2 choices stay the same or ask Jesus in your life and God will help you .
But if you do ask God then you must be willing to read the bible and take the time to seek God and pray and spend time with him if you really what to know him .

The word of God is in the holy bible , know the truth by you taking your time and spending time with him .

Throw away the bottles and pick up a book ..
Go help other who have HIV your not alone there are other who feel the same way you do so why not reach out you would be helping them and in return you will be helping yourself .
The best gift one can do is help someone else who is hurting .

I know what you must be thinking no one is helping me but your wrong because I am here to help you and I want you to pass it to the next person and they pass it to the next person and if everyone did this it would be amazing !!

You are in my prayers


By anonymous at 30,Nov,11 23:35



By anonymous at 01,Dec,11 13:04

Hang in there friend. At the risk of sounding like a preacher, you really do need Christ in your life. The post above is a good one. God Bless you and I will pray for you today!


By anonymous at 03,Dec,11 10:06

I know what your going through I to feel so alone I drank most of my life I am 51 now and my life is getting worse not better I turned to heroin but that messed my life up now i live in one room my son lives in his bedroom only wants me when he needs money for dope i have thought of suicide but first I am going to make an effort and go to church tomorrow I got to try and mix with people more my nerves feel so stretched I did meet up with a freind on face book we hung out for a couple of months but he is working got a good job i met up with him 2 weeks ago i drove him home and I text him the following sunday and he didnt reply back I think i said some thing to up set him in some way and thats it no more freinds to go out with I know I am cracking up and i dont know what to do about it I also know other people know I am cracking up and they think its funny I just dont know were to turn to now suicide is on the table I have chose to hang I am waiting to see a phyciatrist but its taking to long


By anonymous at 03,Dec,11 10:16

I am going to look for god as i feel i got knowere else to turn he has always been there in my mind but tomorrow i know i am going to be so nervous and paranoid i just cleand my boots ready it starts 10.30 I will let you know who ever is reading this how it goes i have got a bad rep in the past for hurting people i was so angry now anger has back fired and its eating me up like i said will let you know how going to church went
By dodo777 at 04,Dec,11 12:57

Well i went and i was so nervous i could of run out.I stayed and people talked to me but messed up alot but i am so determind to hang in there the paster asked if he could come down my house i said yes and thats it really i am going back next sunday as i know i need human contact and i know i want god in my life as i have been happy in the past and i thanked god then and i will get back there i got to.suicide is off the table for now at least.People tell me if i look for god i will find him or him find me.I will let you know how things go.


By anonymous at 04,Dec,11 13:42

these people are of no use. fuck jesus . fuck him. if he loved you, why did he give you HIV in the first place. listen. this life is the only life you are ever going to get. make it a life worth living. make contact with everyone you know and talk to them. will they be busy? maybe. but it's your life. talk to them either they want or not. if you don't do it ...
pray and you will be the same for the rest of your life. whatever the hell is standing between you and your dream life . fuck them. bite them. anally fuck them. fuck what people think. its your life and its fuckin miserable. tell them. you'll be surprised how loving people are


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