I'm a 21-year-old male, living in eastern europe. My parents are hard-working, but not wealthy people. They always tried to help me as much as they could, but they don't know me well enough. I have a very strong avoidant personaliy disorder (google it up), so I am very afraid of any social interaction. The university is like a hell to me, and so was high school. I seem to lack any good traits, I'm coward, extremely bad looking (ugly face, skin, teeth, etc), and I'm a loser in general - I always mess up everything. They say I'm intelligent, but I encounter a lot more clever people every day.
In the past I thought if I had a girlfirend, everything would be better... My dream came true, I found a girl on the internet. She is not a 10/10 girl, but at least loves me. I, for some reason, can't love her back. In fact, i can't love anyone besides my pets. Not even my parents. Sometimes, when I think about future, and that they might die, I get sad, but I don't feel 'love' towards any human being.
I want to quit university. I study English, which is I am fair at, but other things too, which are way too difficult for me. When I told about it to my friends, they told me I just want to escape from any kind of work. Nobody on the earth understands me. If I had been brave enough, I would have ended this shit (aka my life) already. But since I am not brave at all, I will just carry on suffering from something I didn't ask for. I have no idea what I'm gonna do. | |
But since I am not brave at all, I will just carry on suffering from something I didn't ask for. I have no idea what I'm gonna do.
I just wanna write all that you wrote down somewhere and change a few minor details (ex online boyfriend, and the genders). Then this would be my life story so far.
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