My life struggle has always been just that...a struggle. I had same old shitty childhood everyone else had, abusive drunk of a father, parents that divorced while I was young, and had hard time at school etc.
I joined the Marines at 17 and gotthe fuck out to do something with my life and i did.
Thing is. I did everything right all my life and followed all the rules and never fucked up and i got repaid by having everything bad that could happen to someone in any given situation happen to me..example got married was actually happy and 7 years down the road she is diagnosed with a terminal disease. We decide to fight it for 2 years and without any signs she decides it would be better for myself and our two year old daughter to kill herself because she believed she was a burden to us...She decided that on her 32 birthday she would take a lethal dose of pills tie a bag around her head and hook the bag up to helium tanks and fall asleep forever..
After everything her and I had been through, Combat deployments, deaths, tragedy life decided to just kick her while she was down again. I guess now being alone with my daughter I have never really had a "good streak" or a lucky break and my wisdom id like to depart "being from a broken deppressed shell of a man" is that no matter how hard life is to you its trivial because it can always be worse. And the sad truth is that no one truly cares about anyone but themselves, and the few good hearted people that are still out there are like me broken and shattered and theres not much to salvage.
Its only a short three months now since I lost my wife. She was the only person who ever understood and loved me like I deserved and she killed herself! which leads me to two conclusions one, doing the right thing all your life, living with honor and integrity is wrong and only bad things will happen to good people. and 2 im just fucking cursed and ive had enough of this life..im tired my soul is torn and gone and I want to leave this earth..if I were a weaker person and irrisponsible I would have joined my wife. But I have a daughter to raise...so here I am. lifes a motherfucker.. | |
Adrienne 30/NY
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