I'm goin on 20 years soon and I just feel like i'm at a breaking point. I live with my parents, with a very religious mother and a father who thinks he's the greatest because he wastes money on me and my brother.
My father always want's things to go his way, always complaining that work is stressful (yet he loves his job) and when he gets home, expects my mother to be a maid for him. If he wants a meal made my mother would make it before he gets home. He leaves a mess all over the house because he eats so much and doesn't clean up after himself... My mother is the one whose left to clean up all his messes when i'm not there to clean it up. Also, if he sees me cleaning up his mess he will get pissed at my mother saying that she's forcing me to do this although he never listens to the fact that i do it on my own will. He always blames others for shit that's his fault. He does nothing around the house, but make a mess and sometimes cooks for the family. During my younger years, he was physically abusive to my mother, and not knowing what to do i would just sit in my room crying... He stopped hitting her when i cracked and blamed myself for everything. Nowadays he just verbally abuses my mother. If it wasn't for the fact that my mother wouldn't know what to do if he were to be gone i would have had that bastard locked up. He left us once and practically broke the whole family and because he "felt bad", he came back. He treats me and my brother very nicely however i can't stand how he treats my mother.
He is the sole problem in my life and i blame my depression on him. I fear so much that i would start acting like that to a girl... I do have an anger problem myself that i want to get rid of. I'm afraid of telling my father anything though or he just takes any stress that i may put on him out on my mother. However, he is not my only problem, I have had 2 girlfriends in the past both i have had for a long time and i loved them both so much... I was dumped by both for another guy and since the last one i haven't been able to trust a woman enough to actually go out with another girl, so now for 2 years i have been single and depressed. I haven't even told my parents how i feel about everything because of my father. The most resent problem is now, my father wanted a dog so he got one about a week ago and told everyone that it would be his responsibility and that he would take care of it. However he works practically all day, and the dog we got has not been fully trained to do his business outside and we keep the dog in the house and as this story goes my mother has to clean up all the mess because I'm at work and/or gone out with friends a lot. Now even I would complain about cleaning this mess up because my father said that the dog was his responsibility. Well my mother complains a lot because she's the one taking care of it. So now he is getting too stressed from this and is getting rid of the dog that the whole family now loves and blaming it all on my mother because he can't handle her complaining about HIS RESPONSIBILITY that she has to always do! Is it so bad that I want to kill my father? is it so bad that i find my father a menace to society? My mother and my brother would be so much better off without him in my opinion... I hate him so much. It doesn't help that i collect so many weapons either... | |
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