I'm 23 years old male and far from enjoying life.It's been 4 years since I finished with school and I had one job so far which lasted for couple months.Getting fired hit me hard.I did everything,whatever they told me I did my best and more.I was friendly,helping and always thinking of others first.All my life I put others first then me and still nothing works out for me.Girlfriends,never had any,never had the courage to talk to one.Self confidence zero.My father is a alcoholic and since I'm the first child I remember all the awful nights he presented to my mother.From a beatiful and smart woman she became a plant,taking medications and still suffering of his abuse.I don't know why I never have luck and a job interview works,what is so twisted in me that nobody likes me.I try to be the funny guy,make people laugh but they "reject" me most of the time.Going to parties,rarely,even if i go I'm the odd one out.I fee like I don't belong in this world.I'm useless,imagine the world,my family without me and i don' see any difference.I researched over the internet,trying to figure out if I'm mental ill.So far it looks like I'm bipolar.I'm living in a shity country,seeking a doc for such illness is impossible.And even if I did so,nobody would believe me.I want do die.I honestly want to stop breathing.Just afraid to hurt my mother further.She stayed with my father all these years for my sake.Every night I hope it's my last.I don't know what to do | |
Sounds to me like you need a purpose in your life. In other words, you need a hobby :). But not stamp collecting or something like that (whatever floats your boat though). You need something that you can get really passionate about. Something that will make you want to do things and move forward. Maybe you like music? Buy a guitar or find a piano teacher. Maybe you want to try some sports? Get a bicycle, start jogging, try skateboarding, or whatever. Obviously, you probably don't have lots of money, so your options are limited FOR NOW, but there are still many things you can try. And for the time being, any job will do if you can pay your bills, buy food and have a little left each month (for your hobbies), I think you can get that kind of job without even trying hard :). Of course it sucks doing something that you don't enjoy, but if after five days of work you have two wonderful days to yourself, it's worth it. Good luck.
change your way of thinking man,
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