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Posted by Vanessa at February 6, 2010
Tags: 2010 February  Health  Money  Philosophical  Relationship

Right now I wish there had been someone standing there when I was 18 years old to slap me in the face and scream "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!"

I thought I was so in love with the man that I am now married to and have been with since I was sixteen. We both love each other but its hard not resenting each other.

I'm now 22 and pregnant with no job, no money, and no future prospects. I quit college because I thought it was a waste of my time. I have a high risk pregnancy because I had cancer when I was 17, and even though I really don't want to admit it, I really really do not want this child. I feel like I'm an evil bitch to my husband because I'm so unhappy with my life. We fight way to much. I had a chance when I was 18 to do something I really loved but turned it down because it would have taken me away from my now husband. I feel so stupid and alone and unhappy, and always anxious because I have no money to pay on my maxed out credit card- or any other of my own bills. Now with this kid on the way, I'm stuck with this life for multiple years until I can find some way to go back to college. But I can never go back and do what I really wanted before all this. My chance is gone for good.

And so- back to real life in this cramped, drab apartment every day, with nothing to do and no one to talk to.


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New Comment

By at 09,Feb,10 01:41

Youre goals and plans in life are not destroyed. They are postponed right now due to poor decisions. If you do not want this baby, there is always adoption to consider. You can put the baby in care, hurry up and get your butt back in college, finish it with a good degree and then take your baby back. I don't think its the fact that you do not want the baby. i believe it is due to the fact that you are just not ready to be a mother yet nor is your situation set to be prepared for a baby.

Do you and your husband resent each other beucase of these choices, because you feel that you are holding each other back, or is it something else? YOu need to find this out as soon as possible. There is no use being married to someone who you can't stand or get along with most of the time. its ridiculous. without communication, how do you expect things to be solved? Sit down without yelling and screaming and talk to him!!!!!! You both are forever tided to each other more than ever, now that a baby is on the way, so there will always be a connection that will never break. The both of you need to come to an understanding, you may resent each other but put that bitterness aside and start working with each other. its almost like saying "Yea we hate each other, but its not about us anymore, lets work together to make things easier for both of us and this baby"

YOu guys need to sort out some plans and figure out a way to prepare for this baby thats on the way. RIght now you're in no position to be working, (alot of the times, people dont like to hire pregnant women anyway. Plus you'd probably be too sick to work) so having a job right now should be put on hold. Second, Instead of your husband always yelling at you and making things harder for you, he should be a man and make your pregnancy days be filled with nurturing and support. I'm sure stress isnt good for the baby.

If you dont want to put the baby up for adoption, at least ask your husband to do some overtime to put the baby in daycare during the days that are you in School or he's at work. ANd what about famliy options? Can anyone babysit for you or help out? Life seems hard, but it wont be forever. you'll have to do some serious work and sacrifices in order to get out of this bind.

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