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why me

Posted by kaitlyn at July 2, 2011
Tags: Addictions  Death  Health  2011 July

i had a good life, a great life..until I turned 21.

My dad died and I watched every single second of it. He was healthy and out of complete nowhere he died on Christmas morning.
My dad's death has completely ruined my life. People my age lose their grandparents and then they like to compare that to losing a parent. Um, nope. Losing a granparent can be emotionally upsetting but that's about it. Losing my dad impacted my life SO incredibly much. I now have to take care of my mom because she is severely depressed and since my dad did EVERYTHING, now everything is up to my mom and I.

I have a wide variety of very serious health issues, all for NO REASON. I have at least one doctor appointment a week. I could barely walk after my dad died for about 2 years. I have kidney disease (for no reason) have been in the emergency room countless times. I have high blood pressure...most likely from the grief of losing my dad since I am not overweight. I am in constant pain 24 hours a day.

I'm heavily addicted to narcotics and have been since my dad died, I am now 25 and take 85-100 mg of oxycodone a day plus hydromorphone. I have been on every single pain killer but a lot of them didn't help me. I'm about to lose my insurance, I can't imagine life without narcotics.

...I could go on and on and on. I lost my life when I lost my dad. I will never be married or have kids and that's all I want. Now all I am concerned about is getting through the day because of my horrible pain


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