LIFE SUCKS

Why me?

Where to begin?

1.How about starting with my very small house that is barely big enough to hold five people is now holding eight people. I miss most things that people take for granted like privacy and space. Sometimes I forget that my bedroom is a bedroom and instead mistake it for the new living room. It is always surrounded by people. I swear, you can't even breathe in peace.

2.My father is a HUGE alcoholic. He drinks almost everyday and lately the alcochol seems to be making him more aggressive and violent. This agression usually ends up being taken out on me and my mom. Two weeks ago we got into a fight- physically. I'm a 19 year old girl that has the size (literally) of a 12 year old. My mom had to hold me by my shirt and drag me out of the room. It was really a horrible night.

3.Not important but I thought that I should mention that my brother is never home and most of the time is high on marijuana. He started when he was 14 and is 18 now. My parents know but they can't stop him, so we all just live with it.

4.At this point, you may be feeling sorry for my mom... and I agree with you. Except that yesterday while me and my mom was out with her friend at the beach
(to escape the overcrowded house),I looked through his phone (unethical I know- but I had my reasons). Turns out that my mom has always been sending him secret messages with phrases like "I will forever love you" and "I love you more than anyone else in the world" and from "your hot girl"- and that was all I could take. I literally stopped breathing for a while. You have to understand why this hurt more than anything else:
- my mom was one of my closest friends
- she was just using me (for cover)

5. I have collage in 2 months and have no parents to finance it. So i'm going there literally broke.There are more stories but I'm too exhausted to write all. Also, I have no friends to tell all this too and it's really getting to me.
Lets just say that when her betrayal hurt the most I got fed up of my life and executed a poorly planned suicide attempt. I took a combination of pills but it turned out that I was only in a drugged state and eventually passed out.

FLASHFORWARD: All this happened in the space of 1 month. I feel like I'm living in a house full of strangers. I don't really talk to anyone anymore and lately I rarely smile at home. I love my parents but I'm not sure if I should forgive them- and alcoholic and maybe a mom who maybe committed adultry? Oh and a brother who's high all the time.

Before I go I think that I should point out that I'm a straight A student (mostly), I don't give any trouble (unlike my brother who quit school and walks with a kife in his jeans pocket), I don't do drugs and hardly drink (only socially and since I have no social life then you can say I never drink)If I try to be sooo good then why does life have to treat me so bad.