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fuck this

Posted by stellaluna at May 30, 2011
Tags: Family  2011 May  Relationship

My life has never been great..I'm a 35 yr old woman or supposed to be.sometimes I feel like I'm 15 again..my son is 14 and has ADD..my daughter will be 18 soon..I have the scars on my arms and wrist,that I have to live with everyday..I left my partner of nine years and moved two states away to start again.my son stayed with his dad untill i was settled..I met the most amazing man,my soulmate so I decided to bring my son up to live with me and my new partner..I had warned him and his family that my son has a lot of problems..My son arrives and by the second day he was already causing problems..what i didnt expect was for my partner to lower himself to the same age as my son and continually bicker and fight with him..I knew it would happen..he got expelled from school in his third week there..was calling my partner names and trying to upset things..my partner and his sister convinced me that it would be better if I sent him to his dads for awhile..So I did...Now I'm lost..I'm torn between my son and my partner,the life I have here and my old one..its a small town where I am and I know no one except my partner and his sisters family..I can't work even though I'm meant to be looking..my confidence is zero..most days I sit at home by myself with my own thoughts to drive me insane..I'm depressed with the whole situation..I am a package,I come with two kids..I've started smoking weed again just to escape for a bit..my partner is around at his sisters place right now to talk with her about all this and I sit and wonder what the fuck their saying..no doubt how my son has ruined things and how unmotivated I am to do anything..I just don't fit in.

Votes:

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Comments:
By anonymous at 19,Jun,11 07:43

You cannot expect your boyfriend to deal with your mentally unstable son. I'm sure your son was disrespectful and rude and no grown man who's supporting a woman financially is going to tolerate her teenage son being disprespectful in his own home. You are lucky, this man is financially supporting you. If you feel you are a package deal how about get a job, get your own place and have both of your kids living with you and say to hell with any man who comes along and doesn't like your son. Until you can be a an independent woman on her own you can't call the shots, you can't call shit. What do you expect from this man I mean really... You should be lucky you had somewhere to send your son. Many women are in this situation but the difference is they have nowhere to send their fucked up child and as a result they lose their man. You're atcually very fortunate so stop complaining.


By anonymous at 20,Jun,11 20:21

Boyfriends come and go but your son will always be there, choose him!!!! I don't care how much you love your partner and how great he is, please get your son back!!!! If you don't he will feel rejected and will become worse then he already is. Please please, dump your boyfriend because he obviously doesn't care about your baby and go get your son back and beg for forgiveness. He is probably feeling rejected and that will stay with him forever. His self-esteem and self worth are probably deeply affected so you need to be with him and lOve him through this. Please choose your son not your boyfriend!!!!!!
By anonymous at 21,Jun,11 12:25

Sure, and then mom & son can live in a cardboard box on the street since mom has no job and no place to live without the boyfriend supporting her.
By anonymous at 21,Jun,11 22:29

I rather live in a homeless shelter WITH my son then be with my boyfriend but without my son. How do you think the boy feels? ADD is not a major disorder that is incurable. There is a vast amount of help out there but it is time consuming and mentally exhausting. However, for a parent their children wellbeing should be a priority and no sacrifice should be too much.
By anonymous at 22,Jun,11 16:46

You sound stupid. How is it healthy for a child to live in a homeless shelter? If you had stated that the mother should stop smoking weed, get a job, get a place to live and THEN get her child back you would've sounded more intelligent. You sound like a very selfish person who is only thinking of your needs and wants. The reality is that living with an unstable mom is not the best option for a child, especially if the child already has issues. She smokes weed all day, can't hold a job... just what an already disturbed child needs!
By anonymous at 22,Jun,11 22:47

I did not insult you so I don't know why you feel the need to call me names. Perhaps you don't have a rich vocabulary and thus feel the need to insult me just as a preadolescent would. Anyways, you should be more concerned with your own advice to this lady and not worry about my comment. If you deem yourself to be such an intellectual you shouldn't concern yourself with a mere idiot.
By anonymous at 23,Jun,11 10:06

I can comment on whatever I chose to. Suggesting that a mother take her child to homeless shelter is irresponsible. The kid is with its dad, obviously the dad is in a better position to raise the child than the mother. So yes, I did respond to your idiotic post because I felt like it.


By anonymous at 21,Jun,11 00:25

i am in a a very similar situation. the only point is that the interests of the child have to be prioritized. if you can stop smoking weed and get your own place and provide him with the help and atmosphere he needs build it and bring him back if you truly believe he is better off with you than his father. your emotions and guilt cannot be used to force your boyfriend. people with ADD, Autism are very hard to live with and i am sure you know its very hard even of you are related leave alone when you are not, i am sure if you want to you can see your boyfriends perspective. decide based on whats best for the kid, your smoking weed isn't doing anyone any good so please stop smoking


By anonymous at 21,Jun,11 18:31

Get a job! This is 2011. Jobs are easy to come by in small midwestern towns. Get a Master's Degree and work at Walmart as a greeter. Its the, new, American Way! You can also work as a janitor making 8.50 an hour at the local elementary school before the local government closes it by being too broke with the budget. Life is good. That is life though. Those CEOs that love outsourcing American jobs to China sure love their 4 vacation homes and 8 yaughts.


By anonymous at 22,Jun,11 11:44

Most of the statements i have looked at seem to all tell you the same thing.Start supporting your children and yourself.Yes i agree with this and i know how it is to be so depressed you dont even want to breath.The comments that are mean and bitter are the one that say your fucked up kid and you are really lucky to have someone even if he act like a child himself.Let me tell you if the man really loves you its not going to be any trouble at all to help raise and love your children.I married a women with three boys and one of them had epilepsy and she was ten years older.Oh my GOD i loved this women so much that none of the other stuff made any diffrence to me,We got married she was thirty and i was twenty,We were both very much atracted to each other and i treated the boys the way i would have raised my own sons,I took the placeses ,camping hikeing play football,my wife and the boys were all my life .That is who you should be looking for .Add is treated pretty well with meds now days,I dont think that is the trouble.Your son is more than likely bitter becouse of his parents splitting up and blames you.He will learn later on the truth.Take one positive step at a time you cant fix it all in one day, one week,month or even a year.First if you dont think this guy loves your children then get a job that you can handel,As your life starts to take shape try to make decisions that will help your son and daughter and yourself,Keep trying ,
By anonymous at 22,Jun,11 18:06

I call bullshit on this post. This is a good man and good men are very hard to find these days. This man did allow her son to move in with them, so he did try to "raise and love her child". But according to her own words by day 2 her son was already causing problems. He's a hellraiser. So I guess this man was suppose to allow her son to disrespect him and curse him out in his own home? In my home I pay all the bills, and if someone comes into my home they better be respectful otherwise they gotta go. And this is the feeling of most real men out there. It doeesn't mean he doesn't love her. He's worked hard for what he has in life and when he comes home he wants peace. So telling her to go out and look for this fairy tale man who's going to deal with all her son's bullshit... I don't know how good that advice is. She's going to end up very disappointed. I don't know many men out there who would put up with another man's disrespectful teenager causing hell under their roof... That's reality.

And my other problem with her post when she said her partner "continually bickered with and fought with her son"... what were they fighting about? As soon as your partner told your son to do something your son should have done it and kept his mouth shut. Your son obviously talked back to your partner and was disrespectful, then they would start arguing. In my day a boy shut up when told to by an adult. You should have had that conversation with your son before moving him in with you and your partner. You should have established boundaries. And the moment your son got out of line you should have been all over your son's ass telling him to stay in a child's place. But at this point its probably too late, your son is obviously totally out of control, and when you move an out of control, disrespectful teenager in with an adult man, what did you think would happen? Getting expelled from school, etc. so he clearly has problems with everyone. Your son needs intense counseling, possibly military school.
By anonymous at 22,Jun,11 22:40

Lol yes because of men like you women think that all men are assholes. I don't know how you run your house but I wouldn't be caught dead in it. You don't sound like someone who has children (or even a pet) and if you do you must not visit them often in jail. I'm sorry no one hugged you as a child.
By anonymous at 23,Jun,11 10:00

You let your kids cuss you out in your own home. And you're right I don't have kids, I have two grown men, one just graduated from college, the other is in the military and has his own family. I taught my sons discipline. These kids today don't need hugs they need their asses kicked. You're a pussy.


By anonymous at 23,Jun,11 00:06

Most people are bickering without understanding the basic issue. She cant take care of the child on her own. A family is all about mutual concern and respect for everyone. The kid is going through a lot obvious from getting expelled from school. This is a kind of situation where its very difficult for a woman to be objective. Unless the father is terrible why put the kid through the additional trouble of adjusting with a complete stranger? Most people who have made comments dont know what is like to live with a mentally unstable person whether adult or a child. The interests of the kid need to be prioritized and if she is smoking weed and cant help herself I dont know why so many people are adamant she should bring him back even if it means homelessness. They probably dont know what poverty is. What good is it going to do a child living with a mother who is a drug addict? My mother had serious alcohol issues and if possible I would have proffered not growing up with her. Its not about how she feels or how emotional most women would get as it appears to be abandoning the child but whats best for the child is to be as far away as possible till she is smoking weed. Its a very negative influence and there is a good chance her son will get into drugs living in a cardboard with her as suggested by someone
By anonymous at 23,Jun,11 10:11

Finally, an intelligent response. You nailed it exactly.


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