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really sick of this

Posted by anonymous at May 21, 2011
Tags: Attitude  2011 May  Meaninglessness

I used to a good student, great work ethic, punctual, etc. However, over the last 3 month, I fell into despair, I started growing tired of life in general. I didn't want to get up and do anything in the morning, I missed more classes this semester than my whole high school and first 2 years of university combined. My grades went to hell, I lost interest in workout and video games. I have never missed an assignment in my life, sure I scramble to do them in the last minute, but never missed them intentionally. I just missed 3 assignments this week, plus a midterm test which I know I failed since I didn't study one bit. I used to love to cook, but ever since 2011 started I didn't go to the kitchen once. I also developed insomnia and suicidal thoughts. I feel extremely angry and vengeful just by looking at happy couples or groups. I also started looking up suicide methods and school shootings. I find no motivation to do any of my tasks. I even started to dream of leaving university and live in the Arctic.

I'm 21, 6'6, 200 pounds, studying in electrical engineering undergrad program. I from a middle class family, both parents still alive, I have a little sister who's 7. I currently live in a dorm, im one of the few who has no roommate because he is never here. (Down stairs in his GF's room for the last 8 month). I do not smoke or use narcotics at all, I only drank once every 4 month, no more than 2 beers each time. I never been to a bar or club. No GF since I had no motivation to find one.

I longed for the days when Im happy I finished work early, felt good after working out, and played video games with a smile and laughter. Compare to now, I feel like a waste of space. The only reason I didn't remove my self now is I dont want my sister to grow up and know she had a brother that committed suicide.

If thing dont work out in the next few month, im gone.


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New Comment

By anonymous at 03,Jun,11 12:53

You should look into numerology.... :D

Check out those... they might help you pave the perfect path to a bright future

Also check out 'Mind Wiping' and

I'm only 12 but I kind of feel the same. My life just doesn't seem to mean anything to me anymore. I feel like I'm just waiting around to die...
However, I have a little sister and I can only die peacefully know that she is successful in life... :)

Good Luck!

By anonymous at 04,Jun,11 03:19

I feel your pain brother. I also feel extremely angry and vengeful when I see happy couples and groups. I'm 23 and I've never had a real girlfriend.

I was very ambitious growing up and a high achiever in school. Things kinda fell apart in my senior year in high school as I fell into a depressive state. My father died before I was born so I only have my mother. I could never take my life because that would cause her too much pain and I respect her too much.

By at 27,Jun,11 23:58

wow, i can totally relate to what you're saying, suddenly everything just stops making sense and being important. the only thing that had me going for a few years was the fact that existing is more "amusing" than not existing.

By at 21,Jul,11 18:47

You are 21, I am now 40 this year. I feel like I would have wrote this same letter when I was 21 and STILL NOW since I am 40. I liked the Artic for me it is the Falkland Islands, still isolates, remote, but electricity in no where - look it up.
It is now the point that I sat here doing nothing alone all these years and I dont watch TV anymore - seen it all. I have not seen my cousins, aunts, uncles in over 10 yrs. No mention of my name. I have no brothers or sisters and I went to a pvt strict school as a child. I am so sure one positive thing in your life is the 7 yrs old sister. I dont know what that is like but those 'groups' are the same one I see that no one sees me. At least you can be in one group.
I am 6-02 white 250 lbs male, not hideous but not nice looking in Pensacola. I was made fun of in Wal Mart and a couple told me my parents should have put me in a hospital. I was 'fat & ugly' The crowd of 15 people watching this scared me and I stopped going out. I am young looking and get ID for beer still.
That crushed me. I see 'friends' on facebook talk but I never get a Happy Bday or hope u were ok in the hurricane. I have no connection to anyone. I work in a call centre and some of my co workers say they have never heard my voice. I dont talk to anyone or even ride in an elevator with someone.

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