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Following the trail of my mother

Posted by Skim916boarder at May 9, 2011
Tags: Childhood  Death  2011 May  Stepmom  Tragic Events

When I was born, my mom, from what i hear now from my older cousin, started rocking back and forth and became autistic after she had me. My brother was born 7 years before me. When I was three, apparently my mom had lost it, and divorced my dad. She moved away, and by away I mean more than halfway across the country. She landed in Illinois, where she met my soon to be stepfather, named Dennis. I went to see her every summer until I was ten, and that's when she ended her own life in Florida, while I was here in California with my dad. She stabbed herself in the heart while her mom was in the bathroom. My grandma came out, and there was my mother, bleeding and eventually passing away on the kitchen floor. I remember vividly, my dad propping up on his knees in a rocking chair, and telling me my mother was dead. I went into my brothers room, crying, and looked upon his face to see him crying. What a weird moment. i was ten, and did not understand. See, nobody had ever told me that she tried to kill herself 4 times before. That she was Bipolar and Manic-depressive. These details were kept hidden from me, to spare my young heart. A year later, my dad married a woman. This woman had two kids, they went to see their dad often, because he lived close, unlike my mother where contact was pretty much severed except for the summer when I went to see her those 7 years. This woman and I got into a little argument, which is when she told my "your mother was a stupid bitch for killing herself". I was eleven. Then she proceeded to hit me and watch my mouth out with soap, all while my father was gone. Then, he came to her defense when the drama unfolded into conversation. When i was sixteen, and in high school, i started missing school, living with my girlfriend. She cheated on me, I was left with nowhere to go, and I was sent to a boarding school in Utah. My stepmom wrote me a letter saying I'm so glad your there, and I hope your there until you're 18, that way your dad and I can have a relationship with you not screwing it up. After coming back, I got into drugs and alcohol. By the way, when my mom died, I was immediately put on all kinds of pills, at the age of 10! All kinds of psychiatry appointments and counselors, all kinds of pills to be put on. I was a kid, and now that I look back on it, it's like they were force fed to me. Screw those pills, they probably changed my chemical makeup from a very young age. I just feel like I got the short end of the stick, but fuck it, I'm good.


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New Comment

By anonymous at 18,May,11 09:20

No problem... just realize that your mom killing herself wasn't your fault. It's also best that you move away and avoid your vicious bitchy stepmother. Live your own life without the drugs and alcohol.

By anonymous at 21,May,11 09:57

Life has been hard on you, im sorry, theres no changing the past, but what you can try and do is channel that energy into making the most of your life from this period on. forget about your stepmother, say no to the drugs and alcohol, find a job and move far away (think on it like a new chapter to your life), make new friends, find a new partner and live a colorful life.

By Ericka at 27,May,11 00:27

My father sexaully abused me after my mother died. Every one on father's side of family hte becuase I had arrest for raping when I was 16. My aunt fro my mother's side of the family took me in when i had no place to go. I lived my life without my father Now I am in madical school and doing fine and t is good you got away from your evil step mother. I would wlk ed away from bodering school before it got to point of i would be in trouble for thing that I did not do arn't involved in.
that happened to a freind of Missy. She went to bording school somewhaere in North Georgia.
By anonymous at 05,Apr,12 17:49

tragic... kinda looks like ur trying to 1up though

By anonymous at 14,Jun,11 14:35

Wow, I come here when I'm mad since i have anger management, just live your own life and forget the past, it will all be ok

By anonymous at 06,Aug,11 07:53

my stepmom is a fucking bitch too!!!!!!!!!!!

By anonymous at 25,Aug,11 15:27

while very tragic, of course your mom was not a "f'ing b*tch", but your step mom is very ignorant and mean. your mom had a mental illness and i'm sorry for all the shit that you have been through. in spite of it all, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. i wish you lots of luck-you deserve to find happiness.

By anonymous at 30,Nov,11 16:13

- I'm reading all these bad stories of step-mothers, even Disney show bad sides of them. You are not alone when it comes to having a bad step mother or birth mother. All you can say it that it made you a stronger person today by saying you'll be okay. Memories will haunt you and come back at you when you're not feeling up. But that doesn't mean you should not give up on trying.

By anonymous at 09,Feb,12 12:37

You simply must give up the drugs and alcohol. It sounds like your dad crapped out on you. Maybe one day he'll try to make up for that-seems to me that would be very good for you. Hope you and your brother are close. For sure the psychiatric drugs are shit, but so are recreational ones, especially alcohol. Go sober, work with kids, make a contribution tonthe world-you'll be ok.

By anonymous at 16,May,13 21:23

Wow I realize this is an old post but I do say you're pretty awesome for holding your Kool when she said that I would have lost it. My mom is army and she's been deployed for two years now and I hear you but I would've lost it on that vile woman you still call a name

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