I am a 22 years old virgin, painfully loner, never had a gf, never kissed a girl, been hated since childhood. Parents loved me a lot in childhood but hated me in teenhood. Everyone hated me a lot. Noone likes me. I am handsome though, but for some reason, I suck too much until everyone hates me. I got no life. In my high school days, I have social phobia. I was the quietest guy in class and noone likes me at all. The girls hated me damn lot. They would always give me that sort of hatred and disgusting face whenever I talk. This causes me not to talk for a few years(except at home). I guess the reason for all these was because I once had teen depression painfully. The feeling sucks like fking hell. I didn't dare to look into someone eyes, it's as though it's a curse. I was low in energy. I couldn't socialise like anyone else. Everyday in school, I would try to walk as fast as possible to my class room and I would sit at the back of the class without partners. People would always give me that kind of hatred stares. During recess time, I had nowhere to go and I would be so afraid to meet anyone and I would just hide inside the toilet and sometimes crying inside, praying to god when this will end or else I would end it myself. I would always challenge to god vulgarly, doubting his love and whether he would end this shyt, otherwise I would just kill myself and join satan force and attack heaven. I really have this thinking. At least satan is for the outcast. Since childhood, I study very hard everyday.I didn't play with other children. I got no life. My life is always so dull. Everyone is enjoying while I couldn't learn to enjoy myself. I dunno why. I am used to it. In high school, that happened for consecutively 3 years. Well, for the first year was quite okay. Just some small bully here and there. I have been through lots of embarassment such as being a parade commander once on stage and my leg shook like mad and everyone was laughing. From then on, I did not have ANY self esteem. Up till now, I am jobless. I live off my parents. I just feel like killing myself any minute, but i am not brave enough to do so. I was wishing for satan to save me, to turn me into a small devil with power and I would want to be by his side and serve him.Cos that jesus doesn't help me at all. Each time when I hold a knife and tries to slit my wrist, I was like thinking whether jesus would appear and proabably send his messenger down to stop me or tell me something like :" Hey I understand how you feel. I am sent down by jesus to help you. Your worst days are already over! Come join us in heaven! We are preparing a feast for you. You are gonna have a reincarnation and have a better life!!!" But that, for more than 20 times did not work. I did successfully slit my wrist once, but did not cut the vein, so I survived. When I was 15, I was silly enough to believe in true love, right now, there isn't...which makes me even sadder.Since preschool, which is around 4 years old, I was the only one who cried in class and I was scared of leaving my parents. I was the only one who would shyt on the pants as I did not dare to ask for permission from the teacher to go to the toilet. And in primary school, I was always the outcast, only had a few close friends here and there. I'm asking satan, why the hell this happens to me? Am I born to suffer???? And right now, I have got psychotic disorder and still an extreme loner. It's like WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!? MY this life is cursed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FK ITT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FK MY PARENTS FOR GIVING BIRTH TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MOTHER FK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
You dont sound like much of a Marine to me, maybe thats cause you're not..you're just a simple redneck!
It is free.
As for satan, you will pay heavely and you will suffer even much more to the end and end up in hell. What satan is offering you is shot lived life and it looks appealing now.
Ask Jesus to come into your heart now and He will give you the desires of your life.
You will be suprprise at what God will do for you.
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