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does anyone else know

Posted by the stutterer that no one cares at March 30, 2011
Tags: Attitude  Juvenile problems  2011 March

i know. its horrible.there is no god. do any of you know wat i feel. knowing thre is only a cold blackness after death. not being able to move, breath...feel. im so afraid...of death. i get this feeling of absolute dread every time i think about it. im so jelous of all you ignorant fuckers who dont know. does anyone else know about 'the truth,' please if you do please tell me i need to know if im not the only one. i wouldve commited suicide by now if i didnt know...taken the easy way out but i cant bring myself to do it
fuck im only fucking 15 and i know. well my life hasnt been peachy. lets see im teased in school. i was bullied non stop in junior school. but i was always a,loner. noone ever wanted to hang out with me... i was that kid that spent all his life in his fucking bedroom playing with his toys... alone. my father never loved me. he never played with me. rather worked... WHO THE FUCK WOULD RATHER WORK THAN PLAY WITH HIS FUCKING SON? my nother never cared for me so i ingnored her then she is telling me that im too quiet and i need to start being a good kid. FUCK YOU MA. i also hallucinate ... i see creatures. i keep hearing my name being called out to me .... whispering in my ear. my name 'julian'.
i have also developed a drinking problem . every day i go home i take a gulp of vodka.... keeps me going. i have never admited this but i cry every night. i have also develpoed some moments where i go into a world where i have a mother that loves me and a father that hugs me. i also love rock music which everyone else hates here.i need help. i know i do but i cant bring myself to do anything. i just cannt. hurt today cry tomorrow. something traumatic happened to me as a child.i have a bad stutter and that just made things worse. idont know wat to do. but all these problems are small. compared to the truth. i would give anthying not to know. but im only scratching the surface. if you want to know more tell me.


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Comments:
By at 09,Apr,11 07:04

I personally believe that there is a life after death. Life just can't end in a nothingness. Even if it did , it will be better to be nothing and feel nothing that to burn forever in hell, don't you think so?


By anonymous at 09,Apr,11 09:25

I Fking hell swear there is life after death. I am a Taoist and there are some god trance and the gods are damn real. I am 16 and i am also one handsome loner and being hated cos I can never do things right neither do I talk much. If there is no life after death,then why are there spirits and ghosts? There really are,it's just that you haven encounter it. I have once been possessed. And fortune tellers are very real. In my country which is singapore, there are fortune tellers which can very very accurately and precisely tell you about things that you ask. What I an trying to tell you is that there is really life after death. I there isn't why there are so many monks and priests? Dun be too naive. And based on what you say as hallucinating, spiritually, I believe that you are possessed by some spirits go seek help by those priest or bishop. And I would sincerely wish to hear about u. Seriously, you are Almost like me...but I think I am worse than you. Pls do email me. We are the same. legend_jh@hotmail.con
By anonymous at 13,Apr,11 15:35

DONKEY BONER!


By anonymous at 10,Apr,11 06:33

Kill yourself.
By anonymous at 12,Apr,11 13:01

WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU.
By anonymous at 17,Apr,11 12:37 Fold Up

Your a loser anonymous how can u tell someone to kill themself


By anonymous at 10,Apr,11 14:47

Julian
Yes life can suck. I'm not going to try to give you some simple answer to making life suck less, life is not a sitcom with some happy resolution at the end of half an hr. I do think you might want to reexamine your presupposition That there is no god, may be try to talk to god and ask him to revile him self to you. You should drop the booze for sure if your prone to depression to began with taking a downer like vodka will make it worse.


By anonymous at 11,Apr,11 15:31

I know how you feel julian and trust me it only gets worse. And you're right about the god thing. There is none. People are in denial. They refuse to face the fact that when the physical body dies it's over so they create those childlike fantasies to feel better about themselves. Just don't whack yourself now. Wait a little more until you're old enough so that you can start a new life. You'll have that chance, you'll see. Don't end up like me.


By anonymous at 12,Apr,11 03:22

Yes, I want to know more. What was the traumatic thing that happened?

You sound like a smart kid so you realize we are all imperfect human beings. Your parents are human. Your dad does what he feels is best to provide for you & your mom is most likely worried & just doesn't know how to handle it. Try to think beyond what you hear them say or see them do. Do they have bad intentions or are they just going about it the wrong way?

Please don't let yourself sink into such a dark place & please don't take every comment you see here to heart. It's a crazy world with a lot of sad people, but you are valuable.


By anonymous at 12,Apr,11 21:52

DONT LISTEN TO PEOPLE TELL YOU THERE IS NO GOD, WHEN HE HAS RECORDED MANY THINGS ABOUT HIMSELF IN THE BIBLE IN MANY PLACES .PSALM 104 TELLS HOW HE CARES FOR MAN AND ANIMALS. AND SUPPLYS THEIR NEEDS. AND HOW ABOUT THE FACT THE CHRIST HAD TO COME TO THIS EARTH TO SAVE MANKIND FROM THEIR SINS. READ THE BIBLE MOST PEOPLE NEVER GET TO THIS POINT, ( HEBREWS 4:12 ).


By at 17,Apr,11 21:48

Julian, I say your still young. Wait till your older and on your own to make the right choice. Plus this whole god business some ppl are taking it a bit serious. Believe in what you want don't put your belifs on others.ohh and don't listen to the negitive comments. Remember no life is perfect we just have to make the best of it :)


By anonymous at 05,May,11 01:15

lol when u die dmt is excreted to release you to tthe real world. The spiritual world. No darkness men this is just another dream we experience in our head. Smoke some dmt and youll c.


By anonymous at 07,May,11 17:47

Jesus is the Answer


By anonymous at 21,Jul,11 00:58

go skydiving!


By anonymous at 08,Jan,12 03:28

Julian,
You are 15 years old. You have so many wonderful things to do in your life, but in your current state of mind you can't see that. I have struggled with depression throughout my life and have contemplated suicide throughout my life. But the bad passes and good always returns. I find the difference between happy and sad people is how they deal with disappointment. I had a very disappointing family life myself. But as an adult, I have been able to choose friends who have become like family. You still have the chance to be happy in your life. I have made it to fifty, and for the most part I am happy. But there were many times throughout my life when I felt like you. I am concerned about the hallucinations and voices and think you may want to see a doctor as some well prescribed medicine may work much better than alcohol. May God bless you Julian.


By at 27,Mar,12 14:04

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By Saddam at 20,Jul,15 16:18

April 28, 2011 at 9:05 pmhi I think I've commented a few times, but I just waetnd to let you know that I enjoy reading your blog! I think I found you through some newlywed or wedding blogs a while ago? Anyways, I'm married, live in the south, working a boring job, a wannabe artist and photographer. Reply


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