LIFE SUCKS

Unfit for this world

I feel like I don't belong in this world. I should have been aborted, but my parents, in their infinite kindess, decided to keep me. I am weak and a coward; I am small and scrawny. If this was ancient Greece I would have been thrown off a mountain top or abanded. I don't feel like I have any connection to this world--no freinds, no love, no car, no money (join the club, I guess), no anything. This isn't the worlds fault. It's mine. I'm to weak and to much of a coward to take risks. I always justify it by saying that I would be better off not doing anything. Instead I live alone in absolute darkness and despair. I mumble to myself, hear voices, and now I'm starting to hallucinate. I live in my imagination, which has more control over me than I do it. I hate being out in public and feel as if people can see right through me. Whenever I hear someone laugh I think it's at me. There's a girl I like and have liked for the past seven years, but I feel like a scumbag for liking her. I don't even look her in the eye when I do see her, and I dare not speak her name out loud (just writing this I feel like a nazi). I hate being me. Why can't I be somebody else? When I wake up my first thought is about suicide. Whether today will be the day. The only thing that keeps me alive is my cat. If it wasn't for him I would have killed myself along time ago. But I feel like a monster keeping him caged up with me. Why should he be imprisoned to? he hasn't done anything. I'm thinking about letting him free. He'll forget about me one day and have a happy life outside. I wish I could be like him.