LIFE SUCKS

half of a lifetime gone

i'm a 34 year old man, just recently back out on his own after 1.5 years at my parent's house. in the spring of 2008, my son, who lived with my ex-wife, was having troubles, and they were naturally blamed on me. that summer, she sent him to his grandparents house instead of to me, and didnt bother to tell me. i had to do the detective work and go pick him up myself. the grandparents called the cops(im his dad, i had custody as well)traumatizing him and me as well. she filed a protective order in california, and not only lied about the details of the order, but had a sworn affadavit that i had been served the paperwork for the date of the trial. she did not serve me, so i lost any custody and had to send my son back at the end of the summer; at 14, he begged, pleaded, and cried not to have to go. three months later, my closest friend of 15 years died unexpectedly while walking downstairs. six days later, my then-girlfriend of four years had a psychotic break from multiple new antidepressant/mood altering medications, and started punching me. i grabbed her arms and asked her to stop, and at that moment her 12 year old daughter ran to us, screaming for me to let go of her mom. mon took that opportunity to slim an arm loose and begin punching me again, and the daughter took the cue from mom and rushed in to help. i pushed mom away from me, and grabed the daughter and alley-ooped her into the recliner near me. i packed my stuff, all of it, and left. two days later, i have a warrant for assault and child abuse. during this debacle, wherein i actually had statements from her to others claiming that the whole thing was a lie, that i didn't attack or harm anyone, the system, the cops, everyone invloved was simply out for blood. i lost my business, i lost my car, then i lost my home. eight months after all of this started, i was homeless and staying in a temporary shelter run by the county. when i got out, i found my parents had taken everything i owned (n ot much at all, actually), down to my underwear, and took it with them to iowa. no friends here, no memories; this is a small, stupid little town, and i come from large cities. i've made no friends, im involved in no activities, nothing here offers me joy. i've considered moving, but at this point, any type of motion, forward or otherwise, is absolutely terrifying. I lost over $100k in business items, every personal item that was in my storage shed, including a lifetime's worth of books, albums, correspondence, gifts - everything. i dont know how to get out of this rutm this feeling that my time has passed and everything is downhill from now on. everyone my age seems to have their careers and families in the right place; mine is spread and blasted all over hell and back, and i simply dont know where to go from here. fuck.