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LIFE SUCKS

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You are all just pawns

Posted by anonymous at February 22, 2011
Tags: Attitude  Drugs  2011 February

My life sucks.

The only times when I feel alright, when I feel like life is worth living, is when I'm high. It's like being in love. I'm a drug addict, but my addiction is only a pathetic attempt to cure what's really wrong with me. I need to fill a hole inside of me.

I can't process emotions when I'm clean. If a pretty girl is into me I'll think about making the move, shit I'll even get a boner, but I never will. I like to torture myself. I need to torture myself. If someone complements me I feel like telling them to fuck off. I don't need your approval. I don't care about my talents. All I need is $20 and maybe a hooker because I'm so fucking lonely. If someone smiles at me the best I can manage is a grimace. Smiling, nevermind feeling happy, is a physical and emotional struggle for me in the best of times. I day dream about getting high and manipulating my loved ones on a regular basis. Even in church I am haunted by my demons. The best of times for me are the worst of times for me. The worst of times are.........the best of times? Someone fucking silence me please.

That probably explains why I started I.V.'ing drugs at 21. Talk about making shit the worst of times. Previous to that I went through rehab at 19 for hard drugs, did AA and Na, met people in sobriety, blah blah blah. The recovery scene seems like a freak cult to me. But I know it really does help some people. But it isn't helping me yet. Like I said, I like to torture myself. They should send my ass over to Guantanamo bay. They ain't seen nothing yet.

I'm not afraid of dying. What I'm really afraid of is living like this for the rest of my life. I wouldn't really feel bad about my loved ones if I killed myself because...I WOULD BE DEAD. Everyone seems to leave that dirty little secret out when they talk about suicide. Will they really still be here when I'm gone? Will anything?

I feel like I should tell some kind of joke now to lighten the mood.

--"My life"


Votes:


Similar Entries:
The world is fucked up April 28, 2012
Fuck this life August 26, 2011



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Comments:
By at 12,Mar,11 02:56

Drugs isn't the perfect way out. I can tell u that sleeping whole day and relaxing, meditating, closing your eyes, doing reflections is the best way instead of taking drugs.My life is suckier than yours and that's what I do. Sleep all day long, longing for sweet dreams, sometimes wishing that I wouldn't have to wake up after I enter my dream. But trust me, the moment when you are about to die, that few seconds before you lose consciousness, you will know that you wouldn't want to die. Cos death is a lot suckier than being alife!


By anonymous at 12,Mar,11 19:57

I'm not afraid of dying too. Think about it, people die anyway, the only thing that matters is time and people scientifically are born without purpose, to survive is just a self-made purpose that doesn't happen to everybody.

I'm not afraid of dying but dying painfully is something I'd rather avoid.


By anonymous at 14,Mar,11 11:08

just be you.


By anonymous at 31,Mar,11 03:19

drugs are what make you depressed.


By anonymous at 21,Jul,11 01:12

go skydiving!! go out dressed fully in ur least favorite color and look at peoples faces when they see you!! forcce yourself to laugh really hard in front of the mirror just.... go for life!! or at least just pretend to urself that everything is ok... and slowly it will become the truth


By link building team at 15,Oct,13 18:35

l1HOMI This is one awesome blog post. Great.


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