I am sitting here on a Friday night alone again, so many lonely days and nights. I have bi polar disorder which makes everything even worse. I have made huge mistakes in my life starting with the men I have chosen in my life. When I was younger I had alot of friends but they slowly faded out of my life. I have no one and the only thing I am good at is being a mom. If it were not for my children I would probably end it all. I am so tired of feeling worthless, the only thing I can do is cry. Noone ever warned me that being an adult completely sucks or that you become a single mom when the father decides he has had enough. Single parents are the ones who sacrafice everything including their own life for the sake of their children. I am 33 years old and I feel like my life has slipped away from my control. Why is life so miserable? I am in school for my bachelor degree in psychology but then what is the point, not like I will be able to find work even with that. I can not deal with this anymore. I dream of something more I pray for something more. With each passing day I lose more hope that things will ever get better. I cant even find a relationship but seriously who would want to get involved with a single mom too much hassle to deal with. All I seem to attract or sociopaths. My youngest son will be two soon and I was even assaulted by his father when I was pregnant with him. Lord have mercy on my soul because I am not strong enough to go on like this anymore. | |
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What kind of a man do you want to attract, because they are out there so get your girlie magnets working. I feel sorry for men as they are always hunting but at the end of the day it's the woman who choose who they want, the men don't have that privilege. Apart from super models who just get everything.
So you are a psychologist, pardon me that is something to be very proud of, but give the pride to Christ.
You need a friend, I will be a friend whom you will never meet, I will be a friend you can trust but never see, I will be your friend when you need me and when you don't.
Do not become damaged goods by reminding yourself of past beatings. They happened you survived because you are super woman, no one can take that away from you, except you.
When you down, spend time with your kids. Order them to give you a back massage and bring you flowers. They love you, and they would love to do these things for you.
I will pray for you, I pray to God to lift your spirit that you may feel the sunshines' warmth, that you will once again feel joy and split your lips from smiling so much, that you will find a man to be your pillar of strength, mr fix it, and if not, remember Jesus said:" I will be the father they never had."
If I were closer to you I would take you out on a night of your life, I would get your eyes sparkling, your heart thumping and your blood bubbling. That's probably never going to happen, because we are I bet on two opposite sides of the Earth.
Lady you are strong enough. You are. I bet if more nonsensce came into your life you would have the strength to do it, but keep telling yourself you can't. Try not to let your emotions win your heart, leave that for a man to do. It just feels better.
So every morning from now on, say your prayers, make yourself beautiful, put on the sunshine and turn up the volume, you CAN do it, mom.
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