LIFE SUCKS

I've been used

Today my boyfriend nailed me. Again. It's not pleasureable, I must say. He took my virginity couple of month ago, telling me for prove that I love him. I'm live in a country that virginity is regarded sacred and it's a duty for a girl to keep it until marriage. I don't know why I let him did it back then, maybe I've been love-drunk or something. Anyway from the first time I had sex it's always hurt. He force me to do blowjob and make me doing things, weird sex position like in the porn movies, well in fact most of the time he ask for sex after watch a porn movie. I hate it but I can't do anything about it. I can't tell it to someone because it will be bad, my parents will kill me if they know I'm not virgin anymore. I don't want to be married with my current boyfriend but I don't think there will be a man that want to marry me because of the culture of my country. I feel so bad I cry almost everyday.