I always thought I had a bright future. My parents and everyone around me was always telling me how beautiful, intelligent and gifted I was. I went to a private college to study art and design, I thought I was going in a good direction and would be successful - but I wasn't happy. I was anxious all the time. I worked sooo hard that I was wearing myself out. Then during my junior year I was raped by two guys at a party. My life came undone.
I tried to continue school- but it wasn't the same. I couldn't be the perfect student I had been before. I struggled with guilt, inadequacy and depression. I started cutting myself. All of the networking I had done in the design industry had gone to waste- I lost interest. I started focusing more on fine art, thinking that the tragedy had inspired me somehow. I made some headway and I graduated somehow, but had not made any lasting friendships in school and was lonely and confused. That was in May.
Now, I am working part time at a book store making no money. I have huge amounts of debt due to my private school loans, and medical bills from breaking my leg while I had no insurance. I feel like such a failure. I still cut myself and and I am so depressed, but I try to put on a good front and seem happy. My boyfriend moved to another city... I am trying to move there, so I am looking for a job there, but have not had much luck. I have no friends where I am now, and no life. I'm worried that my boyfriend will get fed up and break up with me. If that happened, I would truly have nothing and no one in this world. I feel stuck. I don't know what to do. I keep trying. It has to get better right?