I was born 3 weeks early & naturally obese, my mother was a heavy smoker when i was in her womb which 'caused me to have birth effects, half of my body is actually bigger then one side because of my mothers habits. anyways, i grew up in a family of heavy smokers(which ruined my health) always traveling from town to town; every 3-4 weeks or so we would move to a new town, which means i never had enough time to settle down & have a good life, then one day we finally moved to a town & settled down, but get this, the town we live in is a hick-town full of trailer trash & low lives. so any who my parents 1st took me to my "1st real school", what did it turn out to be? A under funded, run down, 'bully' infested piece of garbage. i was always picked on and bullied to death it was just unthinkable, so my parents eventually noticed i was failing at the school and they decide to put me into home schooling soon after i started felling lonely & shut off from the rest of the world, so i eventually find some friends & everything seems to go normal again; then my friend was slaughtered by a psycho path, which has still traumatized me to this day, so i start feeling even more depressed & i decide to get into my parents stash of liquor, i started drinking like there was no tomorrow & to believe it or not i found a knife (one that was suppose to be for preparing our so called dinner(which our dinner is always at 6-7 am in the morning & I'm always stuck eating alone) so any who i started slicing up my arm, until my mother noticed i had done so, so screamed & such, so did my father when he saw what i had done to my self, so they both thought i was insane, they took away the liquor & the knife which mad me so frustrated since it was the only thing i had to escape me from reality, my girl friend(to believe it or not i actually had one)some how knew about the situation & started yelling at me about it so we both yelled & screamed for a while that eventually lead to her breaking up with me, so on top of my friend being killed i lost my only girl friend I've ever had, so after that i start to go into the 'Emo' scene, my parents think I'm even more insane when i started wearing a ton of black & dark colored clothing. a few weeks passed by, my parents deiced to take a little vacation with out me, so once again i started feeling lonely, i went into the family's medicine cabinet & started taking random drugs, i passed out for a while & everything seemed to be okay, i woke up the next morning with a killer head & body aches were i could barely stand up on my own to feet.. just to cut this story short, I'm a drug & alcohol addict, i have no friends, i can't express my own opinion 'Cause if i do my parents will most likely put me in a insane asylum, my family is very poor & in debt so for up the ass, i live in a crumby ass town & in a falling apart trailer home, my family ignores me most of the time, & i just wasted 40 minutes of my life to write this crap down. | |
Your life may not have been perfect in the very beginning but who said it has to be this way forever? yes you are stuck with your fokes for NOW. but understand this is only temporary. the only way you are going to get out of this mess is if you WANT to.
What i mean is, STOP with the drugs, stop with the slashing your arms, i WILL never understand why people do that and what purpose that has. i can never bring myself to get something sharp and just start tearing my skin up. i will NEVER understand it. get your butt in school, make good grades, go to college, get you a side job and start making something of your life. I was once told that when you choose to be sad and miserable, you will find misery, but when you choose to be happy you will FIND happiness. you are CHOOSING to take drugs, and you CHOOSING to cut yourself. break the cycle of drugs and all that stupid crap and be the better person.
That girlfriend that left you and started judging you wasnt good for you anyway. she isnt home with you everyday and doesnt know what you go through. if anything she should have been understanding and willing to lend an ear or shoulder to cry on. So don't dwell on her.
Please understand that this is only temporary. you may be something VERY BIG one day, but thats only if you really want it. and try finding God too. He has always been there and he's waiting on you to come to him.
u shud also know....th all this is killng u inside...so stop the drugs and the beating and just find some music u can relate too...i actually dont kno wat else i can adve u on
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