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Posted by anonymous at November 16, 2010
Tags: Addictions  Failure  Friendship  2010 November

I know i wasn't always like i am now, because i had friends. i had friends and family who cared about me and trusted me. they confided in me. I confided in them. I don't know how or what made me turn on them, but i did. I'd make fun of my friends behind their backs. I'd go out with their ex girlfriends. I lied to them. I cheated them. I started doing narcotics. i'd be i complete ass to my family. When my parents found out i was into drugs, I promised i wouldn't do it again. i lied. I had never broken a promise before in my life. My brother is a sweet kid. He never wished a bad thing about anyone. I know when he told my parents that i was doing drugs again, he meant the best. but i am an ass. i am decietfull. i don't deserve a single good thing i get. The only remotley bad thing that has ever happenned to me was that my parents are divorced, and i used to get beat up all the time in elementary school, but that's no excuse for the way i am. My phsychiotrist (fuck me if i spelled that wrong) put me on antidepressants, but nothing changed. I still cut my self and i still like hurt other people just as much as i like hurting myself. Physically and mentally.
I have no real friends at college (haha, no fucking surprise right?)
and i am unhappy. not because i am lonely, but no one can trust me. I still play football with some people and what not, but they don't trust me. I want people to trust me, i want people to love me, i don't want to want to hurt them but i do. I don't want to hurt the people that i love but i do. I hate the way i am, i hate what i've become, i hate myself for making the world a more shity place than it already is. I deserve every pain that there is. If justice was served i would be dead. Without me the world would be a better place. If you ever have a boyfriend like me i am sorry. if you ever have a brother like me i am sorry. If you ever have a son like me i am sorry.I am sorry to everyone that i had to be born. i am sorry. if you ever get a chance to kill me, or someone like me, for the love of god, please take it. you will make the world a better place.


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Comments:
By anonymous at 02,Dec,10 02:27

Why don't you just kill yourself and do the world a favor? Thanks


By anonymous at 04,Dec,10 23:45

If you are tuely sorry for the bad impact you are having on your family/friends, you will make one true effort to change your addictions and handicaps. Are you homeless, starved, handicapped, orphan, tortured....?????
Take charge, for once.


By anonymous at 05,Dec,10 05:16

Hey there, for what it's worth I think the simple fact that you desire change ---> makes you a good person, and I think some where deep down you have an amazing heart. And No you don't deserve pain. Heck, I would be your friend.
Change my friend, believe and stay positive.
Hard times are supposed to make us stronger people, do not let your hard knocks destroy you.
**Big Hug** to you!!


By anonymous at 14,Dec,10 12:32

im on anti depressants too... nothing changed. Im not sure what i want to do, im too much of a coward to die, so im just roaming around http://thelost22.blogspot.com/


By anonymous at 21,Dec,10 18:38

Who isn't on anti-depressants? You might see if another kind of SSRI helps you more. I read the comments, some mean and some rather good ones. Are you a believer? Do you believe in God, that He sent His Son to the earth to die for the sins of all mankind? It is simply too much many times for us to find a way out. Trust in Jesus, with your mind, heart and soul. Tell Him all that you have been through, tell Him that you are sorry for having offended Him through the misuse of drugs. Truly, He hears every voice and every request, but He will only help you if you ask. Prayer conquers all.


By at 16,Apr,11 14:24

Tuohcdown! That's a really cool way of putting it!


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