I am in my mid-career, but the effects of my fucked up mother's curse on my life - the abuse haunt me day in and day out. I also had to contend with daily bullying from 6-12th grade. How or WHY I survived, I don't know. I am so tired. So worn down. I'm in recovery, but really just a dry drunk. My mind, heart and soul are so fucked up, I don't know which direction to turn next. My sponsor says to focus on the spiritual. That's tough because I really felt abandoned for many years, including by GOD. Many days, I just wish he would take me on home. I used to be afraid to die, but am no longer. Because I yearn for it. I'm just floating through this miserable life. I wish it could start over, but that's just a fucking fantasy-world. | |
Believe me, you are better of with or without them.
Confused? I guess you should be, I'll explain.
Drugs and alcohol do not cause a problem, they either help or hurt the problem. What I believe would be the best answer, would be, find someone, a person, a friend,(true friend)that really feels your pain.
(This in no way is an answer, but a possible remedy.)
The truth is life sucks, but for some in this coutry, life really sucks. There is not a day that goes by with my thought of dying. But, I am sorry, not here for me...
If you don't have that friend, I am here, because I too know pain.
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