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Don't Know How to Care Anymore

Posted by why fight it? at December 1, 2008
Tags: Family  Health  November 2008

Every day I wake up to the same monotony. I am still a single mom, dying of a horrible disease and have really no reason to fight it. My kids are 19 and 16... I refuse to allow them to take the burden of "mom is living for you." What if I die anyway, are they supposed to go through life with a guilt trip of "what did I do wrong, my mom died"?

It is so depressing. I go to the "support" meetings... everyone there has a spouse, a huge bank account and about a million reasons to keep getting up and fighting. I keep thinking... why do I keep doing this?

I am so alone... I have no one to talke to. My family (meaning siblings and parents) just want to take over my life telling me what to do and what not to do. Their form of help is always more stress than it is worth. Because then, after they "help" me they feel they have the right to treat me however they want... after all I should be grateful.

Oh well, no one will ever read this. What is the point?


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Comments:
By at 11,Jul,09 16:42

I read it. Very hard to see when we are focused on the 'why me'. Very very hard to believe there is another view when life has so many difficult things in it. It is very easy to believe that no one cares, but even me, a stranger from another place does care and cries for you, but I do understand. I have been in the same dark place you are in. I do know that in spite of all of it, there is still a way for our minds to return to that place where life looks and feels good regardless of all the pain, the unfairness, the senselessness of it all. I've done it. To have faith, is not to have faith in others, in other things or in life. It is to have faith in ourself. It is to love ourself and respect ourself and to remember we are loved. Our life is important, no matter how long or short. It is what we think in our heads that counts. God bless, I will be thinking of you. You are not alone. You have many blessings, you just need to remember what they are and be thankful you have children and family. Ask yourself, how would you think, behave, talk to them....if you were not dying. You are here. So live. Be here. You are not a doormat. Speak up. Be proactive. Find something to enjoy and most important of all decide if what I am saying is good advise or just another person telling you what to do. What you think will create your joy or your pain. Choose to be thankful someone heard you. Choose to own your life.
God bless...praying that God will send more love your way...


By anonymous at 06,Nov,12 16:46

i agree you sound like your so sad there is people who care, a friend sorry to hear this is happening to you


By Gundosuoh at 09,Sep,13 04:58

Aloha! yry


By Gundoshjs at 09,Sep,13 21:02

Aloha! rxz


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