I hate my college. I want go to a different one but everyone tells me I should finish this one, and to suck it up.
No one is asking me what I want.
I had good grades all my life, I've been a great daughter and a loving child.
I lost a dear friend 'cause she ignored me completely when she turned adolescent. She hurt me bad right before that without even looking back. I was a really supportive friend for her in junior high and high-school.
I never kissed, I never had a boyfriend. Every time I loved anyone they were in a relationship (one just got married) or weren't interested in me. The only guys who were into me were always freaks.
Even to this day I wish I had seduced someone who was in a long-term relationship. I never found anyone who was better to my taste than my first high-school crush.
My mother left her highly paying job and set up her own company which is barely functioning and she doesn't have the spirit or energy to make it work better. My dad's a BIG looser and didn't step-up so my brother and I had it harder because of our mom's decision. None of them really know me or who I am even if we talk a lot - I mostly listen and entertain them with chat or small-talk.
The pressure I feel now made me think about suicide every other day in the past month. | |
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I never said I had the biggest problems in the world - you can never say that after reading some of the entries on this site about homeless people etc. - they are very typical when you reach some age, it's just they've been weighing on me badly these past few months.
I'm constantly reminded how little I have achieved in my life by my parents and to suck it up and finish that "wonderful" college they helped me get into.
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