LIFE SUCKS

the curse of disease

My poor father had a host of health problems from age 36 to his death at age 79. When I was just a baby he had a bout with kidney stone and contracted dengue fever before I was born. In 1981 my poor father had his first near fatal heart attack. At least two months in the hospital. In 1985; 1991; 1992; 1998; 2001; 2005; 2010; and 2011 more sickness and trips to the hospital. Between 1982 to 1995 he suffered from severe toothache. In 2001 he had agonizing pain from hernia. I don't know how many anginas he had in the last 30 years of his life. In 2010 a stroke took away part of his memory and took away 90 percent of his speech. His speech was mostly gibberish and it was nearly impossible to communicate with eachother. And more trips to the hospital. In the last days of his life in 2011 a hospital bed and nurses aids were bought to our house. Diapers were needed. The body was shutting down. He was slowly suffocating from heart failure and also developed a rash. The last two months of his life was especially torture. On and off he would yell and groan twist turn and writhe in bed. Pure hell. Its a fucking horror. After he died we had to make funeral arrangements. Coffins urns cemeteries that kind of shit. And another distressing thing is in deciding whether to bury or to cremate. They're both HORRIBLE. Either way we're screwed.Its like being in a fucking horror movie.Nightmarish. Where is the so called loving merciful God in all this? My whole family went through days weeks and months of shit and we have a God who allows it. This is disgusting. Unimaginably cruel is this God or this God is blind and irrational for allowing these horrors. Not visually blind but mentally blind and morally blind. Or this God is just not in control of what's going on in the world. A deficient God is what we have so evil sin suffering and death abounds in the world and the Devil can get away with murder. Heart disease and stroke runs in my family and a beloved aunt in California died from cancer. I also fear aneurysm where a blood vessel bursts causing horrific pain and can be as lethal as a gunshot blast.In some cases of aneurysm the victim not only bleeds internally but also bleeds externally. Blood may come out of the victims mouth or nose. Its cruel disgusting and sick. Its a CRIME which nature inflicts on its creatures. Nature has an infinite number of scourges to torture and kill man and beast. My father has a history of physical suffering AND he also suffered mentally from frustration aggravation anger and in his later years depression. Its excessive for one person to be afflicted with this degree of suffering. Cruelty rules this world not a loving God. It makes my blood boil in anger. What a fucked up Devilish world this is. We must have been put on this earth to suffer as one of the reasons of existence. Its disgraceful and deplorable. Its like a fucking horror novel. A shithole and a hellhole is this world. I have a right to be angry.