I've flat out told so many people that I've self harmed and that I still do. Whenever I do it do it a lot in one sitting, deeply. I don't even try to hide it. My original reason for not trying to hide my cuts was because I was wishing that somebody would notice and do something for me, and it could have been anybody. But now I don't even bother because I know that after years of doing this, no one will notice, everybody will shrug it off and no one will bother to care.
Want to know the hardest thing about it? When the number one reaction towards depression is to reach out to somebody. Well I've tried that and it didn't work out so well, and by that I mean everyone shrugged it off and nobody cared, even the people who I've told that I think about suicide on a daily basis..
No one will care until I'm laying pale and dead in a casket, where people will cry over me because they "didn't know" and they "wish that they could have helped".
If they wish that they could help then why don't they do it now? I'm generally open and I'm one who can easily swallow my pride to cry and rely on someone if I need it. Problem is, nobody wants to be that person and I'm left alone.
I see people on tumblr or on some other website making posters saying "you are beautiful, don't kill yourself".
All they do is make me cry. Because they're not talking to me; they're talking to a statistic.
No one will care until they won't be able to fix it.