I'm completely ruined from the inside out. My mother is a shell of a woman with an angry black hole for a heart. She's never shown compassion or understanding. It's always been reprimand and reprimand and hours and hours of her yelling at me for pointless shit. She claims that I'm the one whose the bitch because I don't want to spend a second with her, but she doesn't realize that she's the reason why I don't want to spend another second with her because she has destroyed my life. I was a horseback rider since I was two years old. I used to eat, sleep, and breathing horseback riding. I'd spend 3-4 hours a day everyday of the week at the barn. I had the most amazing group of friends that I did everything with. Then she ripped me away from my best friends and sold my lovely and adoring horse that I had for three years (we were best buds, he would follow me around like a little puppy dog and come when I called) and spent all the money she made from selling him to buy dress after dress and other expensive clothing and nonessentials. My horse and riding was everything to me. She practically ripped away my identity and everything I loved. I never see my friends from the barn anymore and my friends at school are heartless people who judge people on the outfits I wear and they don't treat me like a friend. They use me and ignore me and treat me like shit when I'm always asking how their day is and being nice. I'm a tough person so I've tried for the past year to brush things off and keep a smile on my face, but I cant do it anymore. I'm tired of pretending to be happy and I'm tired of everything. It seems that the only emotions I truly feel lately are anger, hatred, and sadness. I fell for a boy who I was friends with. His name is Ben. He was in love with my best friend Lauren. Lauren doesnt love Ben back and she's told him, but he won't give up. She's always talking about hating the attention that he gives her, the attention that I would die for and hes always talking about new ways to try and get her to fall in love with him. Sitting there day after day has just killed me. There's so much more fucked up in my life that I just can't even express...I'm dying slowly and painfully from this and I feel alone | |
I was horse crazy too:) I am so sad to hear that your mum is such a self-centered bee. You know, you won't be living under her thumb forever. Keep your love for horses- they are way better than boys. And remember that someday, you'll once again be able to have your own horse. Study hard, work hard, and when the time is right, you can one day have your horses back- And don't worry, there will be more boys down the pipeline. Ben has his head up his ass-
Keep strong girl-
Cursed
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