Where to begin...... When I was a child I was abused daily by my parents. My father beat me with a leather belt until I had welts all over me. My mother beat me over the head with a wooden cutting board til it broke. I was forced to drink large amounts of juice til i puked and wet myself and then i was beat for it.When I was in kindergarten the teacher called the police because I came to school with cigarette burns on my arms. No one told me I needed to bathe daily. I was sent to school dirty, with huge knots in my hair and hungry. I cried everyday. When I was ten my father molested me. I pretended to be asleep cause I was afraid. When I was 12 my father left us and my mother started gambling away what little cash we had 7 nights a week. My mother would drive us around town all hours of the night looking for my dad. We eventually found him living with another woman. My mother then tried to commit suicide in front of me. She took a bunch of pills and I remember all the neighbors in my living room surrounding her passed out on the couch and the ambulance and paramedics. It was terrifying. They put her in a padded room for a while and my dad came back home with my sister and me. He was never there though. He would disappear for days at a time leaving me to raise my eight year old sister and myself at 12 years old. We ate moldy crackers cause there was no food. Then they let my mother out of the looney bin and my dad took us to pick her up. On the way home he pulled off to the side of the road and held a gun to her head and pulled the trigger, with us kids in the back seat. The gun jammed. Then my cousin who lived with us since I was 5 years old murdered his girlfriend in our house. He was 16. He was sent to max security prison for life. I was 14 and had just started high school. By this point in time I had no self respect or caring for myself. I was so hungry for love that I let guys use me for sex. I hated myself. By 17 I graduated high school and choose the first guy with a job to be my escape out of that house. He abuses me and bullies me daily, yes we are still married because I lack the self respect to leave him. I got pregnant at eighteen and my life was raising my kids. Two years ago I was diagnosed with lupus. I can not afford the life saving medicine and am dying from the disease. My husband bullies me relentlessly. I have no friends because of my lack of self esteem due to my horrific life. I never had any friends. All the kids at school bullied me relentlessly and I gave up on the friends thing. Even as an adult. I'm tired, just so tired. I hate my life. Why? Just why? | |
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if you can get to a libary, read page 184 from book 'you can heal your life' it mentions LUPAS.
the author is louise l hay, please don't use the book to beat yourself up, but you may find some light.
why give up, i know its hard, and you most probably tired too, please believe in yourself. find your light within, you are a strong, beautiful being, you have a gift of strength and could help many more. write write write, you are so strong, a lot of people wouldn't have got this far.
I send you love, and I would be your friend.
sending you love from England x :)
''if you think your not big enough to make a difference think of a tiny mosquito in a room,,
just know you have the strengths like no other. you are an amazing couragious strong person. not once in your story you mention suicide in the midst of all the sorrow you went through.
Idk if you believe in God but I am sure God is hurting and feeling your pain and maybe he is just waiting for you.
hugggieees and ill pray for u.
Please feel free to contact me- jennylovesladybug@gmail.com
Cursed
Matthew 11:30
I cant really imagine what it has been like in your shoes. Ive gone through hardships but nothing like yours. Your a strong amazing person. There is hope. Try going to church and asking the pastor if there's a possibility that you could be helped financialy for the medicine. Your number one priority needs to be dealing with your lupus. Pray for help. Get to know jesus, he still heals, comforts, and helps, he can change your life.
Jesus knows your pain, because he went through all the different pains possible when he was tortured and then nailed to a cross. He layed down his life for me and you.
God Bless.
Sleep is comforting.
my name is miss sandal,i saw your profile at www.fishmeetfish.com and interested
in you,i will also like to know you the more,and i want you to send an
email tomy email address (sandral00134@yahoo.com) or you send me yours
email address so that i will send you my pictures and tell you more about me,
Rememberthe distance, color or language does not matter but love matters a lot
in life
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