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Pain and Numbness

Posted by sucky suckness at May 13, 2012
Tags: Health  2012 May

I used to rather successful and happy and active but I have developed a chronic neuropathpic pain syndrome about 16 months ago. Doctors have run every test on me and they don't know how what is causing it or how to cure it. Sometimes it feels like im being bitten by insects all over my body, sometimes it feels like im being stabbed by needles all over my body, sometimes it feels like hot cinders are landing on me and burning me, sometimes it feels like someone is cutting my skin with a razor, sometimes it feels like electric jolts. It wakes me up in the middle night, it's all I can focus on during the day. It's incredibly painful and exhausting hand has worn me out. Im in constant pain unless I take my medicine. The medicine stops the pain for the most part, but there are side efffects. It makes me feel depressed and suicidal. All I want to day all day is lay in bed and sleep. I don't feel like myself anymore on this medicine. I feel sedated, apathetic about everything and have lost all motivivation. I got laid off about 2 months before this pain sydrome started so I dont have a job, I exist on a very small unemployment income which is running out. I've looked for a job but cant find one. Most the time I dont even try to look anymore. It feels pointless and I feel so sedated on this medication I honestly dont think I could work anyway 40 hours a week. I've completely isolated myself from people because I dont have anything good to say about my life and Im tired of complaining about how difficult my life feels. So I dont see anyone and I dont talk to anyone. I;ve given up thinking about ever being in another relationship. Who could love me or want me? I dpn't even want to be in a relationship again anyway so I guess that's ok. Everytime I have ever loved someone they have lied to me, betrayed me, abused me, abandoned me and broke me heart. So I will live out the rest of this bleak life alone, in pain, in numbness, in comlete dissapointment that this is the way my life has turned out. Or maybe I will just not live out my days. I mean how much pain and dissapoint can one person be expected to bear day after day? I think suicide is forgivable and humane in this case. It's like putting a sad, sick dog out of it's misery


Votes:


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Comments:
By justme at 13,May,12 09:54

I'm not a medical doctor, so I won't pretend to have an idea of what you have or what you are going through. And I'm sorry for that, and I'm sorry for your pain.

But going beyond your physical symptoms, it seems that you have had very bad experience(s) in the past, relationship-wise. I'm guessing that this was before you developed the syndrome, and it made you give up on love. Then you probably focused all your attention on work, since you start by describing yourself as successful. Finally you got laid off 2 months before the pain syndrome started. Could it be that things are related?

I would say not to give up. Don't isolate yourself from people. Don't stop looking for job. If you think the medication has side effects, maybe you can talk to the doctor to change it? There might be alternatives, don't give up until you have exhausted all of them. And even then, keep fighting. Because I bet a lot of people could love and want an active and happy person, and that is who you are.


By anonymous at 13,May,12 11:33

Call the suicide hotline, get help, you need it now.


By anonymous at 13,May,12 13:22

Fucking diseased piece of shit, hahahahah wasting our fucking health care money you stupid cunt, ahhaha enjoy the fucking pain, cause if it were up to me, i wouldn't give you one fucking drop of morphine, just for being a whiny bitch I wish suffering upon you. I wanna burn you alive, fucking skin you to death. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA piece of shit. If you're depressed and suicidal why don't you shoot yourself, you stupid piece of shit? Just fucking do it, pussy. Why don't you? Your life won't get any better, sad fucking reality, these guys could 'support' you as much as they want, but you're just a fucking cursed, diseased, sick cockroach, and yes, suicide is the option. Why don't you fucking burn yourself alive so no one will have to buy a coffin for your stupid ass? Whatever, just do it, please, realistically nothing will ever actually fucking change, think about it. Your best bet is to just end it. Fuck though I dont want you to die so painlessly, I want u to suffer a bit. Fucking RIP your NAILS off, PULL your EYES out, CUT your LIMBS off, AND SUFFER IN PURE PAIN AND AGONY BEFORE YOUR INFERIOR ASS FINALLY DIES, YOU COCKROACH PIECE OF GARBAGE. Maybe no one loves you cause your diseased, stupid, mentally fucked and a burdon to every fucking little organism you meet. The microscopic bacteria on your kitchen sink fucking hate you.Fucking do it, fucking kill yourself you sad piece of shit
By anonymous at 13,May,12 13:58

I knew Id get a response from you. Thanks for not letting me down. Do you really think anything you say matters to me. You are obviously a very sick, lonely, evil person, and everything you just wrote about me in truth applies to YOU. Why dont you just just kill YOURSELF? You are obviously a miserable piece if toilet shit, and offing yourself would just mean one less loser troll on the internet. If I could track your sorry ass down i'd help put you out of YOUR misery.
By anonymous at 13,May,12 14:55

You'd put me out of my misery you stupid cunt? You can't fucking touch me you genetically inferior diseased bitch! I just had the balls to say what you already knew. That you're just a fucking freak, you're just a little cockroach in this hierarchy we all society. you're the 'sick dog that wants to be put outta it's misery', so why the fuck don't you do it? You need me to teach your brain-dead ass how to tie a noose? How to load a gun? How to fucking slit the vein in your wrist? Ill be fucking glad
By anonymous at 13,May,12 16:55

Even on my worst day im a better human being than you ever were on your best. Your online tirades are boring as shit, and tired and predictable and are about as impotent as your little cock u gutless little cunt. Takes a lot of courage to sit in front of your computer and type eveil shit to strangers? You don't even have the "balls" you mention. You're a gutless coward. Thanks for making me laugh.
By anonymous at 13,May,12 16:58 Fold Up

Yea why dont you show me how to do all those things. Which ever you prefer. noose, razor, gun. doesnt matter. Lead by example. Put the instructions in your suicide note. If you were successful I'll know you are worth listening to and taking notes from
By Cursed at 13,May,12 14:29 Fold Up

@ AGRO-POSTER
Give us a name, an address, and a phone number so we can send you stuff. You know, like flowers, chocolate, a mail-bomb, cyanide, dead skunk. That sort of stuff. xoxox
Cursed
By anonymous at 13,May,12 14:33 Fold Up

I bet you sit and wank your tiny, useless excuse for a cock while you write this rubbish
By anonymous at 13,May,12 14:41 Fold Up

BORING, UNORIGINAL, PREDICTABLE, YAWNNNNNNN
By anonymous at 14,May,12 14:23 Fold Up

What kind of pig enjoys picking on the sad and weak? You prey on people who are holding on by a thread. StfU! If anyone is inferior on this its, its you. Fucking coward for picking on these people. What, you can't fight in real life so you push people to suicide online? Pa-lease! Give me a fucking break, get an exorcism, repent, then get a life because you are truly from Hell. Fucking worthless! You'd get you ass beat in real life for talking shit,so you take out your anger on people who can't defend themselves. I can't wait to get my PhD in Psychology so I can help sad sacks like you get a fucking clue b/c you need more help than anybody on this site....and at the end of the day, THEY'LL be the ones who are happy if they hold on and YOU will continue to be the chaotic deamon asshole u are if u don't get you FUCKING WNNA BE BAD AZZ ATTITUDE TOGETHER!
By anonymous at 15,May,12 19:40

Yeah, with that sort of grammar and spelling you'll be getting a PhD real fucking soon!


By anonymous at 14,May,12 05:29

im sorry to hear of your suffering. I cant really imagine what its like to have that pain syndrome. Sounds horrible. I'm not sure if you believe in God or what now, I can understand if your angry at "him". I will pray for you brother. I would advise that you atleast give it shot.


Jesus knows your pain, because he went through all the different pains possible when he was tortured and then nailed to a cross. He layed down his life for me and you, so that we could be saved.


"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28


By anonymous at 29,May,12 02:44

I am going through the same thing. You're not alone.


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