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feeling strange.

Posted by zora at May 11, 2012
Tags: Loneliness  2012 May

When I was younger I had a few friends. I am 32 now and haven't been able to make and keep any friends in 10 years. I have always been nice and real. The people that I see who have a ton of friends seem fake like they all follow the same code of conduct and dress code. I have never been into trying to follow other people or do what society or t.v. or school says is right. I am just getting weirder as I get older. I don't mind it. I don't want to change. I think the way everything is set up how people treat people is really shitty. It is really a dog eat dog world and I am not like that. I am considerate honest and open and kind. I feel like the majority of people are turned off by these qualities and I am turned off by self absorbed superficial spiritually vacant humans so I am alone. I choose to be alone. I feel my only other option is to be fake and that doesn't seem very fun to me. A lot of guys check me out but I don't want anything to do with them because I have had really bad experiences with dating. The majority of people are morally bankrupt and lack common consideration and I just don't want to put myself out there to be torn down again by some superficial person who watches porn and is not evolved spiritually or emotionally. I also have trouble finding and keeping a job. I quit my career which has been a relief but now I have no job or money so had to move in with family which also turns me off from meeting guys. Nothing could me more embarrassing than the situation I am in and trying to date at the same time. The worst part about it is that no one can relate to me or gets me. Everyone else seems to be getting by just fine. They have 20 friends. Always in a relationship. If their relationship ends they immediately have a new one. Always have money are happy all the time. I hope someday I can meet someone who gets me someday so I don't have to die feeling like a complete outcast weirdo. Please do not tell me I have depression or recommend meds. I do not believe in "modern" medicine or any of their misdiagnosis. The prescription drug and insurance companies are the top 5 richest industries in the world and are part of the 5% that owns 97% of the wealth. I just see shit how it is.


Votes:


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New Comment

Comments:
By anonymous at 11,May,12 20:00

You should become a nun or join some other type of spiritual group. You see put off by modern society and its demands and appear to be happier living an aesetic existence.
By anonymous at 11,May,12 22:14

yeah i actually have been thinking about possibly being a buddhist nun. iam definitely not into religion though. buddhism is the closest i would get.
By Cursed at 12,May,12 10:19

Awesome! That is so cool!
By anonymous at 12,May,12 20:04 Fold Up

Dude don't sell your self to any organized religion even the Buddhists with their belief in something as irrational "karma".


By anonymous at 11,May,12 21:35

Become a masseuse, get big tips. Don't forget the happy ending. Women too of course. How is your oral?
By anonymous at 11,May,12 22:15

one of my old friends use to do that.happy endings and all she made alot of money but was miserable


By anonymous at 11,May,12 22:22

to the people who voted my life as not being so bad. i'm not sure what could be worse but homelessness. inability to keep a job or friends for a long period of time and being alone your whole life is pretty low. I did not mention all of my serious health problems, debt, past abuse from b-friends, no father, an alcoholic manic depressive suicidal mother who was crazy and abusive my whole life because this is a thread on loneliness. Plus I have dealt with all of these issues and went to therapy so they don't bother me anymore.


By anonymous at 11,May,12 23:58

You're right sis.


By FML at 12,May,12 00:42

You're right zora. Media is loaded with shit. And the easiest common targets are our gullible, weak youngsters who fall for their stupid, often deceitful crap intended to make a massive confusion.
At any rate, anti-depressants are good in a way they're not abused. Helpful in most cases.
As far as the loneliness goes, have you by any chance tried online dating? Try something out and see what works for you. You sound pretty decent and intelligent so you're not difficult to like. Hang in there-
By anonymous at 12,May,12 18:04

did match dotcom. alot superifcial serial daters who didn't want relationships.


By anonymous at 12,May,12 01:50

I also have a hard time making and keeping friends. Its hard to find people I click with. I'm actually thinking about moving to the other side of the country because I think it will be more my culture. Maybe you have a similar problem - need to start traveling in completely diff social circles that work better for you.
By anonymous at 12,May,12 18:05

moved from texas to connecticut thinking the same same thing the grass isn't always greener.


By anonymous at 12,May,12 09:31

Firstly, buddhism is perhaps the most hippocritical religion of them all, (if thats even possible, they are all so ridiculous),

Secondly, what do you have against porn? I mean shit, ive got many of the same problems you have, plus many more, and its one of the few pleasures i have in life.

You talk about morals, and to a large extent what you say is true, however, you should probably address that a lot of this will stem from peoples basic needs, which is determined by a number of factors such as: genetics, upbringing / childhood, environment, religion if one chooses to have one. (Ive been fucked over by a few of them in my time, you sound like you have too.)

I agree about the drugs, been there done that, no help.
So, you have 2 choices the way i see it. You can say fuck the world, and see it for all the bullshit it really is (basic biology really, life then death) OR you can dream up fantasies and hope to at least come close one day.

By the way, it may sound it, but in not mocking the fantasy idea, i think a healthy dose between the two is probably good. Better than religions, there just some fantasy some other weirdo made up, and there not even good for the most part.

Anyway what would i know, im probably insane by many measures, probably why i post so many long comments

Best of luck
By Cursed at 12,May,12 10:22

Could be true. Definitely don't want to end up like a Jonestown catastrophe. A bunch of Zombies forced to do unthinkable things. Hmmmm- watch out for CULTS.
By anonymous at 12,May,12 18:22 Fold Up

have you ever had your muscles twitch so bad you can't even lay in bed at night. have you had your bones thinned so bad from steroids you are pre osteopoerosis in your 20's. have you had your skin thin so bad you can see veins all over your body including your face. have you gotten so many stretch marks and loose skin from said prednisone from auto immune disease's that you cannot bear to get naked in front of another person from the diformity. do you have excessive body hair growth from prednosone that again you are embarrassed to be with another human romantically because you know the truth. I used to have a hot skinny perfect figure my friends used to tell me I had a body of a porn star. The prescription drugs have taken their tole. plus I think I said I do not believe in any organized religion. buddhism just came a little close. as far as porn goes its a fake fantasy that is geared toward men. I haven't seen a strongly high dosed saggy skinned stretchmarked tainted hairy 32 year chick yet on that shit. It is just perfect very young girls who havent't gotten hit with lifes bull-shit yet. plus they are young and have had plastic surgery. I know what it is like to have a perfect body and I know what it is like to have it taken away. I know guys watch porn and expect you to look like those girls. beauty and youth is fleeting. and if that is what turns you on you are also in a big huge fucking fantasy. I never said there was anything wrong with porn. You did. I just don't want to be around someone who believes that bullshit lie. Just like you don't wanna believe believe religions bullshit lie. at least we agree on one thing. religion is a lie.
By anonymous at 19,May,12 06:31

You contradict yourself again, you speak of morally bankrupt or superficial people, but all you did in this post was complain that you no longer have a great figure, something which you obviously were proud of. You said you had relationships in your other post, but did not have good experiences. Well maybe there are people who have never had relationships or never been attractive.
By anonymous at 06,Jun,12 22:14

That is all guys care about. my ralationships sucked anyway.
By anonymous at 06,Jun,12 22:27

is only being in relationships with superficial abusive people better than no relationship. I am talking about body image because I am a woman and that is all I have ever been judged for by the guys that I have met. I am not superficial(just a tad but aren't we all) You sound like you have problems that what I said even bothered you. The world is superficial you are judged by how you look. If you can't accept that than you are fucked anyways sounds like you already are. I am just telling it like it is. There are no genuine people who want genuine friends who are nice and kind and giving. Just takers. WAKE UP LOONY TOONS.


By anonymous at 12,May,12 20:22

Once you know the truth about society and who really controls it you cannot unknow it, nor can you sugar coat it. I am so alone as well and I'm in high school all I do is read and play guitar. Ive read so much into history and politics that I have garnered knowledge that I regret. The future is bleak all of the things you say about the majority of people are true. They have all been psychologically lobotomized by the elites; media, video games, drugs, and pop-culture. I'm not trying to say I'm so high and mighty as I might be becoming an alcoholic. I'm thankful I haven't done heroine or oxicoton or something because I would probably be an addict, just to dull the pain. I have friends but they can't see what I see. I have a best friend who I thought was unique like me but he just let me down like everybody, and became a trendy to get laid. I've never even had a girl friend and I'm 18. I am quite fond of my art teacher she is the only thing that brings me even the slightest happiness, but to think I can get her to feel the same way about me is something short of madness. I am and probably always will be alone in this world its like that Beatles song " I look at you all see the love that's sleeping while my guitar gently weeps." I hope it comforts you to know that there are others like you out there.
By anonymous at 12,May,12 20:56

History and politics huh? That's interesting stuff, what did you learn that was so awakening?
By anonymous at 12,May,12 23:45

"That the world always has been and presumably always will be controlled by a small ruling class" Aldous Huxley. Everything like media and quaint pleasures are put in place to distract us and destroy the mind. And you may say you already know this or a basic jest of it, but probably not to the extent I do. I am not saying I'm some sort of genius or I'm gifted. Any idiot can read into history and see whats coming next I'm sure you have some internal mechanism that's telling you too. I'm not going to go into the stuff I know on this website unless you have read into it you will probably think I am some sort of conspiracy theorist no amount of rhetoric can sway somebody to look into it you have to yourself.
By anonymous at 06,Jun,12 22:27 Fold Up

you sound cool. sucks you are 18 and in high school.


By anonymous at 12,May,12 21:36

Go to okcupid its an awesome site. U can weed out men with the questions. My profile is choothiaface lolz
By anonymous at 24,Jun,12 01:37

Y ru advertising ur profile 2 random ppl? Desperate 4 chicks?


By goat at 18,May,12 10:21

The secret to the success of Starbucks is not in the coffee, but in the branding. Their coffee tastes just about the same as any other, but they've sold their patrons on the image that holding a Starbucks cup in your hand somehow makes you a hip person who knows what the good things are in life. The mom and pop coffee store down the street might have coffee that is just as good, if not better and cheaper, but people will go to Starbucks and endure longer lines and higher prices just because they buy into the image. Starbucks will continue to do business, simply because people will always see them doing business.
It sounds to me like your branding is off. Why would people flock to you, a person who is true to herself, when no one else is around you? Instead, they'd rather take the safe route and be around people who subscribe to the same ideologies. They go where they go because that's where everyone else is, so obviously there must be something good there, right? But no one ever seems to look around and ask 'hey, what's the good thing that's keeping us all here in the first place?'
Maybe when people look at you, somewhere inside they acknowledge their shortcomings. Just being around you makes them feel inferior, because they can see that you go your own way while they are subscribing to what society has fed them all their lives. Most of the time they can't, or won't identify what is bothering them. All they know is that for whatever reason, you make them feel uncomfortable. Why would people want to be "nice and real" or "considerate, honest, open and kind" when being fake provides such a more convincing illusion of social stability?
Is that a fair summary/analogy of your thoughts?
Am I understanding your situation correctly?
By anonymous at 06,Jun,12 22:30

I just think I am weird to them. don't say the same scripted thoughts. So to them I am fucked and they don't want anything to do with me. nothing more complicated than that.
By goat at 08,Jun,12 10:37

Perhaps my intent was not clear. My 'scripted thoughts' were an attempt to try and understand where you were coming from.
By anonymous at 29,Jun,12 16:03 Fold Up

That's a great point that you brought up! I never thought about things that way!


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