When I was younger I had a few friends. I am 32 now and haven't been able to make and keep any friends in 10 years. I have always been nice and real. The people that I see who have a ton of friends seem fake like they all follow the same code of conduct and dress code. I have never been into trying to follow other people or do what society or t.v. or school says is right. I am just getting weirder as I get older. I don't mind it. I don't want to change. I think the way everything is set up how people treat people is really shitty. It is really a dog eat dog world and I am not like that. I am considerate honest and open and kind. I feel like the majority of people are turned off by these qualities and I am turned off by self absorbed superficial spiritually vacant humans so I am alone. I choose to be alone. I feel my only other option is to be fake and that doesn't seem very fun to me. A lot of guys check me out but I don't want anything to do with them because I have had really bad experiences with dating. The majority of people are morally bankrupt and lack common consideration and I just don't want to put myself out there to be torn down again by some superficial person who watches porn and is not evolved spiritually or emotionally. I also have trouble finding and keeping a job. I quit my career which has been a relief but now I have no job or money so had to move in with family which also turns me off from meeting guys. Nothing could me more embarrassing than the situation I am in and trying to date at the same time. The worst part about it is that no one can relate to me or gets me. Everyone else seems to be getting by just fine. They have 20 friends. Always in a relationship. If their relationship ends they immediately have a new one. Always have money are happy all the time. I hope someday I can meet someone who gets me someday so I don't have to die feeling like a complete outcast weirdo. Please do not tell me I have depression or recommend meds. I do not believe in "modern" medicine or any of their misdiagnosis. The prescription drug and insurance companies are the top 5 richest industries in the world and are part of the 5% that owns 97% of the wealth. I just see shit how it is. | |
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At any rate, anti-depressants are good in a way they're not abused. Helpful in most cases.
As far as the loneliness goes, have you by any chance tried online dating? Try something out and see what works for you. You sound pretty decent and intelligent so you're not difficult to like. Hang in there-
Secondly, what do you have against porn? I mean shit, ive got many of the same problems you have, plus many more, and its one of the few pleasures i have in life.
You talk about morals, and to a large extent what you say is true, however, you should probably address that a lot of this will stem from peoples basic needs, which is determined by a number of factors such as: genetics, upbringing / childhood, environment, religion if one chooses to have one. (Ive been fucked over by a few of them in my time, you sound like you have too.)
I agree about the drugs, been there done that, no help.
So, you have 2 choices the way i see it. You can say fuck the world, and see it for all the bullshit it really is (basic biology really, life then death) OR you can dream up fantasies and hope to at least come close one day.
By the way, it may sound it, but in not mocking the fantasy idea, i think a healthy dose between the two is probably good. Better than religions, there just some fantasy some other weirdo made up, and there not even good for the most part.
Anyway what would i know, im probably insane by many measures, probably why i post so many long comments
Best of luck
It sounds to me like your branding is off. Why would people flock to you, a person who is true to herself, when no one else is around you? Instead, they'd rather take the safe route and be around people who subscribe to the same ideologies. They go where they go because that's where everyone else is, so obviously there must be something good there, right? But no one ever seems to look around and ask 'hey, what's the good thing that's keeping us all here in the first place?'
Maybe when people look at you, somewhere inside they acknowledge their shortcomings. Just being around you makes them feel inferior, because they can see that you go your own way while they are subscribing to what society has fed them all their lives. Most of the time they can't, or won't identify what is bothering them. All they know is that for whatever reason, you make them feel uncomfortable. Why would people want to be "nice and real" or "considerate, honest, open and kind" when being fake provides such a more convincing illusion of social stability?
Is that a fair summary/analogy of your thoughts?
Am I understanding your situation correctly?
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Thanks, Aly
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