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Illusions

Posted by Lexie at May 11, 2012
Tags: Attitude  2012 May

So I'm not quite sure what's wrong with me but maybe someone can help me out. It would appear that I am incapable of feeling happiness. I recently got in a car accident and messed up my shoulder and thought I was going to need surgery. I just found out I wont need surgery and my shoulder is healing just fine which is great news. I'm 20 years old, taking six classes in college and working 40 hours a week plus doing physical therapy for my car accident injuries, and I still managed to get my grades on the Dean's List at my college. I recently went on a couple of dates, and I had fun but I don't see them going anywhere, which is ok because I don't have time for a gf anyway. All of this is good news or fun stuff but I am so indifferent to all of it.

When I found out I was on the Dean's List, I told my grandmother (whom I live with) and she was so proud and happy. And I was just so...not...I didn't care at all. And that's how everything in my life has become. If bad things happen I'm like, "Well I knew this would happen." And when good things happen, I don't feel anything. And I know that's wrong, so if anyone has any suggestions besides therapy (which I cant afford) I would greatly appreciate it.


Votes:


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Comments:
By anonymous at 11,May,12 20:26

Sounds like you're doing fine. Give yourself a lot of slack. Remember, you are young, it takes time to mature. Do not be so hard on yourself.


By anonymous at 12,May,12 00:52

S0unds like y0u might be depressed, y0u expect the bad and feel like y0u d0nt deserve the g00d and when g00d things happen y0u feel like y0u will pay f0r it. Its a vici0us cycle but y0u can c0ntr0l it. Read up 0n depressi0n and learn as much ab0ut it as y0u can, this will help y0u feel better...n0thing w0rse then n0t kn0wing. H0pe this helps


By anonymous at 12,May,12 00:52

S0unds like y0u might be depressed, y0u expect the bad and feel like y0u d0nt deserve the g00d and when g00d things happen y0u feel like y0u will pay f0r it. Its a vici0us cycle but y0u can c0ntr0l it. Read up 0n depressi0n and learn as much ab0ut it as y0u can, this will help y0u feel better...n0thing w0rse then n0t kn0wing. H0pe this helps


By anonymous at 12,May,12 09:53

Does sound like depression.
It seems your pushing yourself hard as well, why?
With your accident, and low mood, trust me distraction and keeping busy is good, but burnout is worse. I had a lighter load to carry then you by the sounds of it, but because of circumstance and a little bad luck, i crashed and burned. Not all at once, just gradually over the years the spirit of life just leaves you. And there is no way back from my situation or many other peoples situations either, despite what some would have you believe. So take my advice, prevent it from happening by any means necessary, for your own sake.


By anonymous at 12,May,12 14:54

Dont worry, its just a phase. Be around people who keep you happy. Thing positive and be optimistic. Eat healthy, stay fit, study hard, love lots, party hard and dont think too much :) U will be just fine and will be leading a perfect life. I wish u happiness.


By anonymous at 02,Jul,12 10:40

Sounds like you're anhedonic (psychological condition in which you're unable to find happiness in things). It's nothing a shrink can't take care of.


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