| | Posted by anonymous at April 13, 2012 |
For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to end my life. I've had few friendships and no romantic relationships in my miserable 20 year existence. I've always felt isolated and alone, but have deluded myself into thinking that someday, somehow, things will get better. My only relief from my depression was the satisfaction I got from doing hard work-then that turned into the satisfaction I felt from getting high.
I was arrested this past weekend.
I had my whole life in front of me, but now I am looking down the barrel of a loaded gun. I might get lucky with the law. But I've realized that I'm far past caring-I realize how insignificant I am to the world. Nobody cares. Why should I?
I used to believe in something. Then I realized how pathetic my life is-sleep, study, work, use, and repeat. Sleep, study, work, use, and repeat. I don't have friends-I don't particularly want them either; I've never attained even the slightest measure of satisfaction from any of my interpersonal relationships, only disappointment and dismay. I've learned to expect nothing from anyone else, and recently I've realized that I can't even count on myself anymore. The only time I feel remotely close to happiness is when I'm wasted in one form or another, and usually I am alone at these times. I don't want to do this anymore. I have no reason to live.
I think I'm finally going to fulfill my suicidal wishes. I just don't want to leave a big mess behind, and trouble someone else to clean up after me. As a chemistry major with extensive lab experience, I know how to synthesize some of the most toxic compounds known to man. Methanol or cyanide would be easy to make or come by-I just have to hope I remember to leave a "DNR" sign on my corpse for the safety of the EMT's who may try to resuscitate me; there is no need for my selfish existence to end any life but my own. |
| | Posted by poonis at April 12, 2012 |
At least half of my day is filled with thoughts about killing myself or just feeling that frustration that only a few people truly know. That frustration that you are alive and desperately want to be dead and to have never have existed.
Fuck reason, there seems to BE almost no reason why I want to die whilst other people seem so obsessed with living and enduring the pain and misery that is their miserable and often painful existence. Fucking hell, if your life is so shit why the fuck aren't you dead already or at least talking to me about how to commit suicide?! Fucking hell, what could possibly be worse to endure than a life with no meaning or scope for meaning; do you even realise how good you actually have it in that sense?
On the surface my life probably appears only a little below average. I dropped out of university, now working construction, still living at parents at 23 years old, forever alone, no real friends since I'm an absolute twat beyond what most people (probably even myself if that makes sense?) are able to comprehend etc.
One negative about almost constant suicidal thoughts is the fact that assisted suicide isn't legal so I can't even talk to anyone about how to kill myself safely without ending up disfigured and the only sites on the Internet that aren't censored are the ones that provide joke information taking the piss out of people who want to kill themselves. Basically just rubbing salt in the wound. What the hell happened ... |
| | Posted by born_loser at April 12, 2012 |
I am 26 years of age, and a born loser! No matter how hard I try, I always end up failing. Everything education, looking for employment, sport everything. When I was at school I used to study day and night but always fucked up my exams, when I was in college I was the star athelete but when it came to the day of sporting event I would get fever or hurt my ankle hence won't be able to participate. All that year of hardwork just gone. Now I am a post graduate. Got a distinction degree and even offered a job with bank. But guess what its been 3 months and I haven't been given a start date. Month ago they lost my declaration form and now they want me to again send them photocopies of my passport and stuff! Already done that twice! I just can never catch a break! No matter what I get involve in I have the potentiol and I fuck it up! Just tired of fighting!same goes for relationships! Date beautiful woman but I ALWAYS fuck them up some how! My younger cunt brother get everything easily. Job girls good grades. Where as I always end of fucking it up! Its like GOd hates me or luck got something against me! Just wanna be a winner for once in myy life. |
| | Posted by should not even exist at April 11, 2012 |
Hey, I want to kill myself but I am sooo afraid to fail, again. Its not as easy I thought. I have take over hundreds of pills, may have some head damage from my most recent attempt on easter, but unfortunetly, I am still here. what do I have to do to end this self hatred? Really, I want to be gone so my poor parents dont have to suffer anymore, they dont deserve it. I am 42 and a piece of shit. They are pretty awesome and love me. PLEASE do NOT even bother to talk me out of it. that is bullshit. Plus, there is a chance i will fail again anyway. Just wanted any suggestions for successful suicide. What I have always wanted is to donate all my organs and save GOD knows how many lives or limbs, but dont wanna end up in the psych ward for suggesting it, been there, done that. Makes sense cause at least i would serve some purpose, IF I could help another. Otherwise I cant even help myself. Any suggestions would be much appreciated greatly. asap, the sooner the better. This universe is already over populated, I cant even get a job for years. This universe does NOT need shit like me in it. Thanks. |
| | Posted by A LONER SCUM at April 7, 2012 |
All the times I wonder why I feel Bad every day and night.... i look at the reflection of my face at the glass of jack daniels.... i see a short 5'1, fat, ugly, battered, tattooed, hairy, loser living in his parent's house.... i always wonder why my life sucked...... Im ANGRY outside and inside SAD.... im poor and got fired as a bagger at grocery store after 1 week....... it was my first job at age 21...... i have lost all contacts of my old and only friends from high school.... dropped out of college... and lieing to my parents that im going to community college now but, IM NOT..... I don't want to... I hate School... in high school i got some in school and out of school suspensions and disciplinary actions for robbing other kids and fighting... i been in Juvie when i was 17 to 18 and repeat 2 years of my senior year.... My parents were so angry and disappointed with me.... i told them lies i will get help and change my life around... 2 years from today... im the same loser now since back then.... Just a week ago i had a knife and threatened a store clerk for money... he didn't give me the money so i went to the cooler grabbed a glass beer and chucked it at him... he then kept saying please get out get out with his arms folded begging.. i ran out... and hid near my neighbors backyard to make sure no cops saw me cross side streets by jumping fences.... TOday im so sick of what i AM.... A loser Scum... inside im sad and desperate and outside just pissed at people... all rich and happy people... I got nothing to live for and think suicide be the best thing for me |
| | Posted by Loser K at April 7, 2012 |
I am 43 years old have no job, no money, and no relationship. I have a son in college who i can't help thank God that he received a basketball scholarship bc if he didn't i don't know where he would of been. I am a poor excuse for a human being and i hate being ME! I have issues from since i was a young girl growing up because i was always ridiculed for being too black with ugly skin and no hair. I was teased horribly in school and even by my family members. I grew up with no self esteem that's why i was treated so badly by my son's "sperm donor". I never had a boyfriend that wanted to claim me so now i grew up with no boyfriend experience only men that wanted to use me. I am a very loyal, and nice person to people and they always treat me like garbage in the end. I am a disappointment to my son and my family. My son secretly thinks i am a loser and can't stand to be around me. I live with my parents still who treats me like i am still 10 years old and berate me any chance they get. I am a joke to the entire world! Sometimes i question God why was i born? No answer. I wish the earth could swallow me up, i would be gone and i would be a bad memory for everyone. I am out of shape, my hair is balding, and i am more uglier. Why remain on this earth to die unhappy with a broken heart? This is cruelty for me to remain on this earth because i feel it will not get better but only worse. I am so tired and i want my son to forget i ever exist. This is my pathetic unproductive existance......... |
| | Posted by Alex at April 4, 2012 |
32 years old. life sucks. Just jacked off for the third time today. Woke up at noon. No job for last 14 months. Drink myself to sleep at night. No date in the last two yrs. Can't stop thinking about I never should have joined the army/been in Iraq. Only leave my apt once a week for food and beer. |
| | Posted by erik at April 1, 2012 |
I recently got laid off for the secound time this year, Im turning 30 tomorrow, i live with my mom, I signed up for match.com my profiles been viewed 147 and i haven't recived one reply from any of the messages iv sent. Im on unemployment $338 a week wooopeeee (sarcasm) and to top it all i cant spell for shit. |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 27, 2012 |
I live alone in a derelict, damp-ridden house with my obese, disabled mother. She's not completely dependent on me but I can't leave her alone for more than a day and GOD doesn't she nag and interrogate me. She nags at what I'm wearing, constantly tells me men are vile and I must have nothing to do with them, watches and questions my every move. I wanted to be a doctor and was at sixth form college in the nearby city doing the appropriate A levels... but I somehow got addicted to cocaine and I've left college after failing all my coursework. My mother doesn't know, she thinks I still go there every day, I daren't even imagine what her reaction will be when she eventually finds out. I've started fucking men just to get drugs. I'm anorexic. I suffer a pathological jealousy of my cousin because she's so thin and beautiful, and can't stop myself trying to jepoardise everything she does, even though we used to be friends. Worst of all, I have abnormal sexual fantasies of causing pain and injury to men I find attractive. The one time I've had sex for enjoyment rather than drugs, which was the time I lost my virginity, I ended up slapping the guy hard round the face and scratching him. I don't think he's told anyone but I feel like I must be psychotic. Even so, I still can't help thinking about it when I masturbate... which brings me to the horror of what happened last weekend. I forgot to lock the bathroom door and I was naked in a crouching position quickly doing th... |
| | Posted by nobody at March 27, 2012 |
i wonder what the world has become these days,
i am almost about 50, no work, no money, no land for live.
i lived most of my childhood in boarding schools, cause it was easyer
for my parents to get rid of me, first mistake, if u fuck u know u can have a child, and u are responsable for it. childhood sucked, every day since i was 6 cleaning a basement on my knees, and listening to the fights my parents had.school was ok a little till my mom decided it ws more good i went to a lower type of school (again boarding school)i hated it, so a dropout on my 16 th. work for me was as 13 in a dozen, had some good jobs, but always by some reason could not hold it (part my fault)money always a problem, i really not need too much, but life and gouvernement of my country made it expensive, yes in return social benefits and care for everybody, but the only one who benefits is the gouvernement.lovelife sucked everytime, i had my share of gf but it was always not me they loved, but what i could do for them (no money, no honey)but love made me blind many times, leaving me now with nothing. i gave up my life before to start a new one in another country with a woman i loved, it lasted 9 months, till my money was gone, and so was she, so now i sit in a foreign country no family, no money, no home, just a backpack with some clothes. it all comes down to caring, nobody have time anymore for each other, busy too much with their own lifes,if u look for help people ignore u, if u want to kill yourself officials say not do that. why ?to much paperwork after ? well if i knew a way i did it, cause life sucks, and i am tired of it, no love , nobody who cares, so why should i not ? nobody will miss me, i am just another nobody in this sick crazy world. |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 27, 2012 |
I'm 26 years old and life just never seems to get any better. I lost my job, my fiance, my apartment, my best friend and turned into a raging alcoholic. I don't even like drinking. I have been looking for a new job since September and every glimmer of hope I get is crushed in an instant. I had to move back in with my family after I lost the apartment and since that is in another state I now have no friends to speak of. Everything just seems to keep going from dark to worse with to hope of change anytime soon. It's a feeling like the harder I try the worse things become. I've been slipping down a rope since this past summer and I think I've finally reached the end of it. What now? How much worse can it get? |
| | Posted by lifesucks at March 26, 2012 |
I'm 22 and a college dropout, still living with parents and can't get a job, and every guy I've ever been with just used me for sex. I don't have friends and never had a real boyfriend, and my dad keeps telling me I'm a failure in life and that I shame the family. I'm very shy with zero connections so I'm not very social...always the loner kid who ate lunch alone in school, etc. I've been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and I take meds for it, which helps a lot but it doesn't erase my crappy situation in life. I'm thinking of killing myself eventually, maybe in a year. |
| | Posted by James at March 25, 2012 |
So I am a 21 year old virgin. I'm way too skinny because I have a nervous condition and get sick whenever I eat anything so I eat like a starving Ethipoian.I have no friends and have never had a gf. I am in college so I realize I should be grateful for that, but no one gives a fuck about me here, I'm just a loser and loner. I try to initiate conversations with girls and they just ignore me or blatantly shoot me down. I've been called creepy more times than I can remember. Oh, and to top it all off, I have a foot fetish. So I will be sitting in class minding my own business when a girl starts waving her feet around and gives me a boner. Every girl I've told I like feet to has told me I was weird. Most girls hate feet apparently, including their own. I do not want to become the 40 year old virgin but it looks like I'm on the fast track to becoming him. I can barely focus on schoolwork because I'm lonely and just want a gf. What the fuck is wrong with that? |
| | Posted by Little Sad Man at March 24, 2012 |
I am small lone loser. I hate all my 21 years of my life. I have never had friends and family. I lost my job and got fired for being an outcast to my fellow employees and boss eventhough i am a hard worker and make most of the revenue in our company. I always been taking prescrition anxiety pills and been drinking lot of alcohol and doing lot of crystal meth which i get from dealers that live near my apartment stairs. I live in my dad's apartment. My dad cries every night of the death of my mother when i was born. and blames me for her death. My dad throws empty bottles at me when i come home. I go to my room and cry. i cry all day and this is my life every day of the week and my lone time is to go on my dial up online and play runescape and be in my imaginary world of dungeans and dragons and feel free of this real world of mine. When i was little like 9 years old kids in my school bullied me and when i went to juvie for robbing a convinent store with plastic knife.. i got raped by a mexican boy who was 17 and put a pipe in my little 13 year old anus... plus it broke my hip bone... so rest of my life i became limped and had a cane to walk with.... i look in the mirror and think about is it my fault that i killed my mother and deserve this life i have now?.... |
| | Posted by goshdarnit at March 15, 2012 |
I am 30 year old Female. I am divorced. I live at home with my parents who don't talk to eachother and not me. I have no real job. I am suicidal every morning. I have thoughts in my head that tell me that I am not good enough, smart enough, and not nice enough for anyone to love. I have exhausted all of my friends time and can't seem to move forward.
I speak with a lot of I's.
I hate that. |
| | Posted by Jane Doe at March 15, 2012 |
I am a 25 year old bank teller. I hate my job and want to quit so bad. i am a recent college graduate and i have no idea whats next in life. TO ADD INSULT i live at home in the same room that i grew up in. Feeling pathetic |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 14, 2012 |
I am 32 and trapped living with my parents. I havent had sex in 9 years, can't drive, no job(did work at the same place for 14 years), should not drink(havent for 4 years)but really want to, joined the army and found out the truth so left it(not dishonorably), i am balding, getting fatter as the days go(gained 35 pounds since stopped working a year and a half ago), extremely lonely(but dont know how to talk to the opposite sex unless im drunk and just looking to get laid and that hasnt happened in a long time), low self-esteem, on antidepressants, pissed off at the world, not many friends(probably due to my depression about not being able to drive, i stopped going out and they stopped asking me to), lately I dont even like going outside I fear being around people most of the time(wonder if the antidepressants are making me a recluse and i feel somewhat dumber while im on them, but i cant stop taking them or my anger grows alot). I left a few things out but you get the idea, this ride called life sucks and I want my money back. |
| | Posted by anonymous at March 12, 2012 |
I am 30 years old, female. Married for almost 2 years with no kids. I am emotionally erupted for the last few weeks infact for many years back but it comes n go and its killing me slowly when i always thought of myself is such a big failure in life and everything!
I realised i am late in everything i do ---> I have no achievements in life. Not even once. I have no hobbies since young. I got married when all my friends are already married. Friends around me have completed family = husband + kids. Friends are doing well in career while i am still searching for a right one til now. Although I have both advanced diploma & double diploma in respective courses, I didnt even manage to get hold of a job. Im married but still living with my parents while awaiting for my flat to be ready in few years time and Im in a huge debt with banks (credit cards)!
I feel so useless even people around me look up on me for what they see in me (of course they don't know what i've been going through in my life). Apparently, before my contract ended, i used to earned USD45000 annually until the 'black' moment disrupted. I didnt manage to save a single cents due to my bad shopaholic habit.
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| | Posted by Used and Abused at March 11, 2012 |
Hey I'm 29 and I live with my parents, things have terrible for me my whole life. I have had few friends in my life and have been pretty much alone for most of it. I didn't get my first girl friend until was 25 and it was horrible all I did was give her rides and pay for dinners. All girls ever do to me is use me for rides and money. They never really cared for me because the last 3 I did have all cheated on me at some point. So I stayed with one even though she treated me like shit and cheated on me because I don't want to be alone and only "friends" I do have never call me or they blow off. If I never called them they would forget about me. I hate being alone and I question why I'm here. I live at home, I have no love in my, no friends and I work at some dead end warehouse job. All I have done is cared, loved and treated people really good just to have it blow up in my face. This is the thanks I get. Thanks for listening internet. |
| | Posted by k s at March 11, 2012 |
Upon reading this you'll prob think my life isn't all that bad; BUT honestly I truly think my life is totally worthless. For starters, I'm 26 I live with my mother, I'm 5'4, mixed race, I'm unemployed, I have no gf, I have no car, and I have no money; I'm terribly lonely and I have some friends but I still feel like my life is worthless. God has shitted on me all my life. I'm crying while i'm writing this because what i'm about to tell you all is true.
The only reason I have not committed suicide is because I volunteer regularly with senior citizens to whom look forward to my youthful and foolish optimism for amusement and inspiration. I am naive to think that I should not die today or tonight and I have regularly thought of killing myself But inculcation from my family has taught me an awful of feeling that maybe i should 'wait one more day'...but I promise you all, this i my suicide note.
I finished college more than 3 years ago and I my life is nowhere is should be. Education will not make you happy.
I guess the thing that bothers me most is that I feel no woman will ever think of me as attractive. I'm mixed( I'm neither black or white) which means unless i'm rich or famous no woman will ever love me. I'm unlovable, I will always be overlooked, vilified, cast as an outcast.
God if you're merciful please let me die; evolution says my genes should die, I would never want my son tp experience my life. So be merciful and kill me PLEASE |
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