|Posted by Crystal Love at February 3, 2012|
I am 25 years old, I have nobody except me and one of my kids. My first four kids got taken away because I got in trouble and went ot prison for saling drugs. Both of my parents died before I turned 18, my dad when I was eleven from a car accident, and my mom when I was 17 from cancer. I was on life support for two weeks when I had my first child, because my lungs collapsed. I was in a five year relationship with a guy who was killed by a motocycle four years ago, then I was with another in which I have to kids who is in prison for 13 years for being a child molester.But I have since then met a really good guy, hope things can get better now.
|Posted by shouldn't complain at January 31, 2012|
My dad, my best friend. 67 lost his life to leukemia. i struggled with him side by side for 4 years. his life was miserable. just to turn around and lose the battle.... i haven't been the same since. I don't know what to do. and a couple months before that i broke up with my gf of 5 years... so my life has been completely flipped upside down. the stress, anger, pain, emotions are so overwhelming, and then having to live day to day and fake everything is ok. just to come home and drink my pain away. im stuck in a rut. and when i finally think i found something to help me through my struggles.... a new g/f. i adore her, and want to treat her like gold.. but she has a lot of "guys" that are friends, and its causing a lot of issues. im not a jelous guy but some things she is saying isnt adding up. anyway, i can't really complain. i have my health, friends, a roof over my head. i feel bad complaining but i feel everyone has their own demons to deal with. watching my dad gasp his last breath, and i hugged his neck, was by far.. the worst day of my entire life. he was afraid to die, and that struck a chord with me. it bothers me everyday knowing he was scared when he left this world.....
|Posted by Nicole at January 12, 2012|
It's hard for me to talk about this right now, but I am sixteen and my forty year old father died suddenly of a heart attack on Dec. 23, 2011. I don't know what to do with myself anymore..I'm depressed and hurt and confused and I just want my daddy back. He was my best friend, and just going on with life is a struggle everyday. The night before it happened I was talking and laughing with him like usual, and the next day I get picked up from school, brought to the hospital, and told he had died. Just like that- no goodbyes, nothing. Now I'm filled with sadness and regret, and I can only think of all the things my daddy wanted to do but can't. I just..miss him. More than anything i want him back. I would give anything..
|Posted by Lowell at January 3, 2012|
All at once and with no warning. I had been out of town the week before, was a planned business trip. Somewhat rare for me to be gone for that length of time. Many weeks before we had planned to see a musician we both liked on the evening I returned. We did and stayed out much later than an old (21 years) married couple like us usually did.
We got home about 2AM and I very shortly went to bed, she stayed up a while. I woke much later than usual, never forget the time, it was 10:10 AM when I got up and went to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. I found her on the kitchen floor, on her side, with a hand under her head like a pillow. I thought she had not made it to the couch or bed. I chided her verbally and actually chuckled at where she was sleeping as she had fallen asleep at the kitchen table before. But she wasn't asleep. Her body was cold to the touch and after that first touch I knew shew was gone. I cannot describe the next few moments. There are NO words for that.
That marked the end of 'normal' for me, the 27th day of August, 2011.
Today, the shock is gone, and I'm starting to realize what it means to have suffered a traumatic amputation of a part of your soul. You don't recognize yourself. You thought you knew what loneliness was. You realize just how much of your life was tied to being part of a couple, a 'half', and perhaps not the better one of that.
I fail at describing how much I miss that girl, the mother of our child, my confidant, my conscience, my anchor to this world.
So, help me tell Lesa how very much I miss her, every single day. Her compassion for others, her creativity, her never ending patience with her unreformed male example of a husband.
I don't want you to be sorry for me. I do want you to grieve for a world that no longer has that woman in it. It truly is a meaner place for the lack. Of that, I have no doubts.
|Posted by baby at December 28, 2011|
I was searching on the net about relieving the pain of a loss baby then i got on this site. i'm 17 years old... when i was 16, i got pregnant. i was happy. yes, true, i'm very happy. honestly, it's the happiest thing that ever happen to me.. i love my baby so much and my boyfriend too, he's very supportive of me being pregnant. we've already discuss about baby names. but when my parents knew, i thought they will support me. but no, they didn't. they killed my baby. they let me take medicines on force. of course, what can i do? i'm so small compare to them. i tried a lot of times to hid the medicines under my tongue and just spit it when they won't see me. i can feel it very bitter but i sacrifice for it. but, they caught me doing it and so the next time they let me take medicine they had been so sure that i swallowed it. then, they made many ways for me to be parted with my boyfriend. and then, they won. my baby died 2 months in my stomach. my family is very heartless. they never feel pity on me and my baby.
until now, 7 months had pass, i still can't accept my baby died. i miss my baby everyday. since he/she died, i never found true happiness. everyday i cried. supposed to be this month i will give birth to my baby. and it made me so sad thinking i haven't done anything to help my baby. if only i had been strong enough maybe it's alive until now. i didn't even know if it's a girl or a boy. i keep on blaming myself that's why a lot of times i committed suicide.but, i...
|Posted by anonymous at December 26, 2011|
I lost my baby. Nine months of berfect pregnancy, and just before labour, she wasn`t moving inside me anymore. No one knows why, it just happened. And i still had to go through all the labour pain and the labour, for nothing. And now i`m scared shitless, will i be able to have another baby, will it be ok. But nothing really matters, i lost MY BABY. I lost Sophia...
|Posted by anonymous at December 26, 2011|
MY dad died when i was four. My mom raised me the best she could but was working most of the time to try and give me and my brother a good life. I got fat with no one ever telling me (as a young child) waht lack of exercise and bad diet would do to me. now everyone i love just kind of tolerates me because theyfeel bad for the fat kid that no one likes. then my mom died when i was 14. now i found a girl that is exactly like me. same interests, hobbies, everything, but she doesn't let me get close to her and just kind of tolerates me like everyone else. she's so damn pretty and nice... i just want to spend time with her, i honestly don't want anything other than to be around her, but for some reason she won't grant me that.. :( i really hate myself and don't enjoy much about life. it sucks. it's hard. and no one ever fucking helps. fml.
|Posted by anonymous at December 25, 2011|
This year has been the worst at the beginning if this year I lost my son when he was only six days old turns out a nurse over fed him and burst his intestines, a few months later I lost my mother in law from an accidental overdose my husband went crazy with grief and we had to move in with his grandfather cause we lost our house. A few more months went by and everything started looking up and I started getting sick all the time I was in and out if the hospital from my heart messing up and I was fainting from any amount of stress. I was fired from my jib of two years so they could replace me with my managers neice...... its now Christmas and it sucks even worst I miss my son and everyone keeps sending me shit about babies and happy this and happy that screw it all
|Posted by anonymous at October 31, 2011|
My only son committed suicide Oct.31,1999 - My darling wife of 43 years did the same on May 10,2010. I have a daughter 42 that seems to blame me for their deaths and will have nothing to do with me.
My son had a wife and 5 children when he took his life after losing his job, his home, and his wife to divorce.
My wife fell, broke her back, and couldn't get the doctors to believe just how much pain she was suffering, and took her life when I was away buying groceries.
I am 69 years old, living all alone in a huge house with nothing but my darling wife's little chihuahua and my memories of when I was a family man.
They are wonderful memories and they are all that I have to live for now.
Each day is nothing but a consistant repitition of previous days,television, playing with the chihuahua,checking for mail that never comes,paying a phone bill for a phone that never rings,and talking to my departed wife as if she was still here with me. Life for me is a heavy weight around my shoulders that gets heavier with each passing day. I bought a .45 caliber handgun and keep it for the day that all this finally gets to me. If it is true that there is life after death, I long to be with my dear sweet wife again forever and always.
|Posted by cygnusmom at October 7, 2011|
My life feels like it's over. My creative, funny, kind, smart and sensitive son took his own life in May, a day after his 20th birthday. I need to tell anyone that is contemplating suicide: please seek help. please talk to your loved ones/Mom, etc. My heart, and so many others are broken. We "survivors", if you can call it that, are in shock, feeling the most incredible despair, and asking ourselves every day " what did I miss", "how did I fail him", and thinking that we must have fucked up royally for this to be. It's easy and tempting to blame one another-more hurt! I am so depressed and have so little left, that I can't pick up the phone when a friend or family member calls. I have trouble interacting with my husband or anyone, my despair runs so deep. So on top of losing the love of my life, my son, I'm losing everyone else as well. I beat myself up for missing signs. I retrace every f'ing step I ever took as a parent. I feel like my whole life must have been a fucking lie that I told myself, because I had though I was a good mother and had a happy and well adjusted son, who wouldn't call me back b/c he was knee deep in exams! Now I know otherwise. He must have felt alienated from me. Why else would he have not reached out to me for help when I told him several times that he could talk to me about anything, that breakups happen and it gets better, that we'd love him regardless of sexual orientation, etc., etc...my words must have seemed empty to him. Because he didn't reach back and he fucking offed himself. I must be a hideous, horrible human being. I must have failed him beyond belief, for this to happen.
|Posted by anonymous at September 29, 2011|
Epilepsy is not known well enough. I was trying to get ss for myself when my son spencer had a seziure and died instantly. He was 11 yes old, very smart that he test @ 10th gr level in 5th gr.he is the youngest of 3 kids. I seem to be the only 1 greeving still it happened 2/8/10.noone talks about it @ all and he was the life of the h anyway in ill u r sus to have 13 seziures before u get ssouse and the funny one. Anyway u r sus to have 13 seziures before u get ss so I gave up cause I would of taken in a pict of him and said now u tell me does it look like it took 13 or just 1
|Posted by dontaskdonttell at September 27, 2011|
I'm a lesbian teenager living in Texas, and I had a steady girlfriend for a year and a half.
I was bullied constantly at school for being gay, or being "emo", and basically just for being different.
I began cutting myself at age 10, and contemplating suicide by 12.
My girlfriend had a lot of the same issues as I did.
We would always randomly surprise each other by just showing up at their house, and on this Monday night last July, nothing was different. I knew she was home, I knocked on the door and her step-mom answered. She told me my girlfriend was in her room, so I headed back there and opened the door.
At first I thought she was standing in the closet. Then I noticed the blood on the wall and the shoelace tied around her neck.
|Posted by Watcher281 at September 26, 2011|
If I was to tell all my story then their would be a lot of public scrutiny. But to sum it up, I might be able to use a few paragraphs. I'm 37 about to be 38. I look good so people tell me but I've been divorced once 2 kids with a mom that committed suicide. Not like I didn't already brand myself by slashing my arms over 48 times. I get with a woman I think is not going to have more medical mental problems and have 2 more kids. She has escalating mental problems due to disability, turns to drugs and I leave her. I raise these kids on a daily basis thinking they are what I live for. Joke is on me. They are all female and here I am raising 4 girls all alone. I cry every day wishing I was dead. I get laid off of a job after 6 years. I move thinking there's gotta be more of a life for me elsewhere. I still want to end my life on a daily basis. I know better because their are 3 girls that depend on me still for 1 has reached 18. Nobody is hiring. Some stupid ass named Rick perry wants to allow more aliens to take our jobs from us and my unemployment will run out soon. Aliens that could have committed God knows what crimes come to our country and takes our jobs while our people with only misdemeanors suffer with our families. Thanks Rick Perry! You a bright fucker. So while I sit back allowing bright fuckers determine the fate of how my family life is I will live off the states until someone with brains step in. Well, my life isn't just his fault. It's my very own. I made my mistakes. I love females but every damn one of them have done me wrong, including my female kids. I just have to wait till they are old enough to do so. More so they just enhance me wanting to kill myself but I know different. Anybody with common sense would not have children. Don't ever invite a child to an evil world such as this one. I wish I was never born. LIFE JUST SUCKS!
|Posted by anonymous at September 21, 2011|
I just want to remind everyone to come here to vent when they feel depressed, Chances are those who care about you enough and would actually help you out arn't even aware how seriously depressed you are.
My dear, old friend Mark commited suicide at the end of Febuary this year, I had lost contact with him over 3 of years, I got busy in my own life having children but always thought once my oldest reached kinder age I'd have more time to get back in contact with my close mates.
If he had of called me or I had any idea he felt that way or was going to do it, I would of done anything in my power, I hope my other friends would come to me, I've learnt a huge lesson in presuming people will still be there when it suits me. I'm disgusted by myself, I got so lost in my own life, and the saddest thing of all in Mark commiting suicde, is the fact when I was 18 he stopped me from commiting suicide. He saved my life when I didn't want to be saved but in time had my children and became so greatful to of been saved. He hangs himself, all alone with out warning and I who owed him so much was too wrapped up in my own world, I presumed he had it all together, the last person I ever expected to suicide.
When I was depressed and suicidal I could never of imagined ever feeling happy again, I do get sad and have down moments and it is hard to hold out for the light sometimes, and usually putting my issues aside and helping someone else who feels the same as...
|Posted by Karla at September 18, 2011|
Well my mom got diagnosed with a serious heart condition when she was 40 and I was 18. Since then she had 4 open heart surgeries the last one being a heart transplant. As luck would have it her new heart developed a very rare form of rejection and was denied a chance at a new heart! So my moms heart finally could pump no more and she freakin died at the ripe old age of 51! She was my best friend and we spoke several times a day and saw each other weekly. So she died in February and my dad calls me 2 days ago to inform me that my sister and I need to come get moms stuff out of the house because he has asked his new girlfriend and her son to move in with him! Yayyyyy LIFE SUCKS!!!!!!!
|Posted by Cliche at September 18, 2011|
My story is long. Too long and too painful. Anyone out there ever have their spouse cheat on them while they are slaving away as the trial attorney in a death penalty case? Anyone out there ever ever watch their mother wither away from a stroke and die 7 days later? Anyone then experience their father do the same on the 3 month anniversary of their mother being declared brain dead? Lost the husband. Lost the mother. Lost the father. I am lost.
This was just the abbreviated version. Takers?
|Posted by anonymous at September 16, 2011|
When i was 3 my father died of a heart attack and my mum got depressed so she sent my sister and I to live with my grandma after 4 years of schooling my grandma died so we went back to live with mum who lived in this shit hole apartment.. I never got upset from a death I'm like that anyways I went to the new school and didn't like it so i refused to go to school and my mum didnt care, the goverment sent people to try and convince me to go back to school but i just ignored them and they went away and after some discussions they figured it would be best if i just did monthly tests to grade-up, So basically all i would do every day for 4 years is eat sleep and watch tv.. never going outside never talking to anyone just simple living, and so when it was time for high school i thought it would be better so i gave it a try but by then i hadn't left the house for years.. and had devolped really bad anxiety and couldn't stand talking to people or looking at people and even the sound of my own voice was strange. I stopped going to high school after a week and never went back they got me on this distance school program were they send me the work then i complete it then send it back.. but mums boyfriend just does it for me.. when i was 14 i was sitting in my bath contemplating suicide so i cut a little bit into my left wrist but it hurt to much to continue. so i gave up on suicide and just accepted that from now on everything i do and try is pointless eat, sleep for 13 hours a day.....
|Posted by anonymous at September 13, 2011|
sorry if my english is worse... it's not my native language. my life sucks since my fiancée died 7 years ago... now i'm depressed and lost my job and everything. she was all I ever had. she was a wonderful person and such a beautiful girl... and her love was so deep... it's a shame. I often think about our wonderful 3 years... with all sweet little moments... and i hate myself for watching tv or other useless stuff at that black day instead of just holding her in my arms... today i'm 30 years old and have cried so many days and nights. I feel almost dead inside now.
|Posted by Life can always be worse... at September 12, 2011|
Im 31 years old this coming month. Im a Marine Corps combat vet, and a former Deputy Sheriff among a few of my lifes adventures and an empty shattered broken shell of the person I once was. Its not that I hate life its just that my entire life ive done everything that im supposed to do and acheived much. What Ive learned that life can always get worse, and just when you think your ahead it always finds a way to kick you in the head while your down then grab your nuts twist and spit in your face while your still trying to figure out what the hell just happened.
My wife of 11 years decided to kill herself in May, on her birthday no less. She had it all planned out it seems. Waited till myself and our 2 year old were out of town and then got all fucked up on sleeping pills and booze. She then tied a bag around her head and filled it with helium in leathal dose.
Oh ya, did I mention she was terminally ill too?....We had been fighting it for a couple of years but she just gave up. Now Im alone again with our child who I have to explain this too someday. Like I havnt been through enough hell on this earth enough already I have to do it alone now without the one person I loved and trusted. Whats worse is If I didnt have my daughter I would join her.
I long for death and release from this life, I hate it and all; its trivial bullshit and all the stupid fucking people that take everything for granted. Oh ya I had the whole fucked up childhood just like everyone else but as shitty as that is people it comes down to choices. You always have a choice no matter what the circumstances.
I guess what I want to know is "WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS???.
Oh and just remember if your fucking cursed like me "Life can always get worse so lose heart and dont depend on anyone to help you there are no happy endings in this life just suffering...
|Posted by CQ at August 27, 2011|
I am 30 years old.I had a dead end job ..got fired and cannot find work.i have seen one of my best friends get shot and killed by my other good friend on accident.my BEST friend just died at 28 back in april...my step dad which was like a father to me died cuz of drugs.i was engaged for 3 years she got pregnant and the baby ended up not being mine.i have anxiety issues so bad if i don't take my meds i feel like i am having a heart attack.I just wanted to post on this cuz alot of people have it rough and maybe i can relate to alot of these posts.i also got into coke really bad after my step dad died..luckily i been clean for 7 years...that is really one of the good things about my life..that and i have a supportive mother that lets me stay at her house cuz i can't find a job to save my life.Things usually get better in time for most people but i'm waiting for my life to get back on track..when i was 17 i had a full time job..a good job and had an app...now i am 30 no job living at home..i don't know just thought i'd share