I don't know were to start this one. I met the love of my life, we were inseparable, I got a long with her family, she had a big family and her sisters liked me and were very supportive. We got married. We shared almost everything, even each others bad luck and hard times. She could have been with someone more financially stable but she chose me and loved me for who I was, treated me well, cared for me she was my best friend and my wife, my whole universe. Seeing her die broke me so bad I don't think I could ever be normal again. I've struggled so much in my life, it's like she was my only hope. My parents really were fuck ups and made my childhood hard, my mom left when I was a teenager (I still have no idea were my family is, including my younger brother and sister cuz she took them with her) and I grew up homeless and traveling around like a nomad. I pulled myself together and got into music, learned how to rap make beats, my best friend and rap partner was killed first which was a devastating blow. Slowly I saw the people that were nice to me in life and loving and supportive die one by one, till me and my wife were all that was left of what felt like my family. When her health took a turn for the worst, the doctor said she couldn't work and I got fired from my job so ended up homeless anyway. Public assistance did nothing to help, as a matter of fact they deliberately did everything they could to make sure we never received housing and that she couldn't get medicaid or healthcare of any kind. The thing that broke my heart the most was when she knew she was dying and she told me to be strong and that her sister would be there for me if anything happened to her, she told me not to cry but I couldn't hold back the tears when she said that. I miss her so bad. She was all I had in the world and all I had left. I was widowed and they dumped our stuff on the street at emergency housing the same day she died. I pleaded with them not to throw us out and told them she would be there if she could but they said the state doesn't pay for people that aren't staying, but I didn't wanna leave her bedside, she was on life support, I prayed everyday for her to pull through. when she died, I had no place to go... DSS was supposed to send me to the shelter but they just put me in a taxi with some girl I never met and sent us to an abandoned building in the ghetto. We had no place to go so she took me to her parents place. Her parents were crack heads and so was she, she grew up in a crack house. She tried to get me to be with her and didn't seem to care that I had just lost my wife, it was a horrible environment to be anyway and she tried to force me to smoke crack with her I bounced and stayed on the streets freezing every winter night in a violent dug ridden gang infested ghettos were murders would happen every day and most buildings were abandoned so I found my own place to squat but it was scary, I didn't know if someone would kill me for that spot but I didn't care, I would see that girl prostituting every day which broke my heart even worse. lately I'm doing a lot better, I have a place to live but I'm fucked, all my remaining friends left me, I'm alone, no one loves me anymore, no one cares about me. I think I'm gonna just live a forgotten lonely existence till I just die alone and no one remembers or cares. I don't wanna be with another women ever. I hate them they're bitches anyway. My wife was rare. won't be another like her ever. All of my friends are getting married and having kids now, it just breaks my heart to see everyone get to have what I will never have. If I die, who cares? At least it will mean I can rest. I was so desperate and lonely that I let this girl into my life she said she was gonna treat me good, told me I didn't have to feel this pain and loneliness anymore cuz she was gonna love and care about me bla bla bla, I feel like a fucking idiot cuz I believed her. I almost feel seduced, except that I did really like her, that is until she gave me clamydia and then had a nervous breakdown cuz she really liked me and had slept with 2 guys the day before we hooked up and didn't wanna tell me cuz she didn't want me to think she was a slut, the condom broke... A clamydia shot really really hurts more then any shot I ever had, when they gave me the shot, I spazed out and had a really bad seizure. But thank God it's a curable disease. What hurt the most is, I had allowed myself to have feelings for her. That just became another experience that scarred me for life. It's not like I sleep around, she was the only girl I was with since my wife's death. I thought she was special. After breaking up with her, I got in a fight on the subway, someone punched me in the head, I beat him senseless for it in a one on one and was locked up for 4 months (they tried t give me a year) even though it should have been self defense, but I had no evidence and the guy who attacked me put out a false police report saying that I attacked him for no reason when it was the other way round, so I was locked up for assault. People with worse offenses got less time. because of my encarceration, I lost it all and had to start all over again. Because of my record, I have trouble finding work. Now I'm so bitter and cold that I could never be in a relationship ever again, I'm so alone that I wanna just die. I hate life and I just hate everything and everyone I'm so sick of it, my life sucks. Believe me this story just scratches the surface, it would take a very long time to write all the fucked up shit thats happened to me in life. | |
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